Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,since I overslept and it was too late to go to the Men's Network meeting,I simply went into my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had other things planned for today.
I first went to get my hair done and after that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few vital things and after that,I headed over to a local pizzeria for a few slices of pizza.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few more things.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I ate the pizza slices as my late lunch.After that,I headed back upstairs to continue the cleaning process in my old room so I can use it to sleep up there once again.After nearly an hour,I headed back downstairs to do a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched some old TV reruns for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the SSA struggles that I have.Today,I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did indeed cloud my mind.Fortunately,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning.I asked for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and left nothing out.I did feel better and I truly believed that I was forgiven.Since I live alone,I have no roommates living with me as a result of my limited income and having no job,though I am still working on searching for one.I wish that I could have a roommate so that I could have someone that I could relate,identify and connect with in a healthy and authentic Christian way.Until I do find a good job,I have to stay on my own and keep trying to work on making frequent prayer through the day a part of my life.It's bad enough that I struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,which makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I wish that I didn't have to deal with the psychiatric double whammy that I have and I always wish that the SSA that I have would go away.I am tired of having SSA and I wish that I could find a way that I could resolve this.I keep praying to my Heavenly Father to point me in the direction of relationships with other men that are healthy and authentic that can lead to close friendships,bonding and the best of all,healthy and authentic Christian styled connections.That is all that I yearn and ask for.I have been praying to my Heavenly Father to lead me in the right direction,but so far,these prayers haven't been answered.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong in this?"If anyone who follows my blog and reads my posts,please share with me your viewpoint on what I am doing wrong and I will correct it.I need these types of relationships so I can learn and try to fill in all the emptiness that I have because I do want to be a whole man and also,to feel like a whole man.I want to feel the way that a man is supposed to feel and again,that is all that I yearn and ask for.Again,please keep up your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these desperately.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ