Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to get ready for the day.I had a lot planned and I wanted to get everything accomplished.
I first went to the public library to do some printing.After that was done,I headed over to a friends place in another part of the county to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery,though it is rocky,continues onward.It isn't easy trying to cope with bipolar depression and it's symptoms.It is just that it is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that doesn't want to end.On certain days,I am up and feeling good.But on other days,I am feeling down and not so good.I just don't know what mood I will be in as the days continue.Aside from dealing and struggling with bipolar depression,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,which makes it all even tougher.Somehow,I am managing and that is good.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection.It was also another throbbing one.As with the erection that I had yesterday morning,I had to really fight this one,though the tossing and turning that I was doing wasn't helping.I simply got up and sat up for a while and since I had to use the bathroom,I headed over to it and the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in other ways,aside from seeking a male partner out to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out,no matter what type of acting out it is,will never give me what I need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that are a part of that affirmation.I want to be and feel like A MAN.I want to be the man that God intended me to be.I know that God never intended for me to be Homosexual as many of those ignorant so called "Homosexual/Gay" activists claim.I also have to continually keep in mind that masturbation will never connect me with my lost maleness as it will only reinforce the Homosexual identity.Masturbation is a very unclean and dirty habit.Though I did get a suggestion from a follower and I have been applying it,I am still open to any other suggestions.Please share with me what has worked for you.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have church as usual and the usual Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ