Tonight,my road to recovery continues,but rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a few things on my agenda today.
I first had to go to the garage to see why the fan in my car wasn't working the way that it should.My fan will only work if it is on the number 4 and won't work on numbers 1-3.I had to get this checked out and see what had to be done.I wanted the fan to work properly again.
It was only a minor thing and after it was finished,I paid for the work and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery in the process of struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies is not a very easy one.I have to deal with an emotional roller coaster ride where one minute I am up and the next minute I am down.It is very difficult and when you also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression,it makes it even more difficult.I will just have to keep holding on and hoping that my recovery improves in the near and distant future.I also have to continue my therapy sessions and also continue to take my medication as directed.I just hope that someday soon,my recovery will start to improve again and I will feel better about myself.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I gave into temptation late last night and early this morning when I masturbated.Yes,I masturbated twice.I gave in late last night and wee early this morning.I really felt bad after these current falls and it made me feel miserable.I was doing pretty good for a while until late last night and early this morning.I don't know what led me to fall two times.In the near future,I have to keep working harder on resisting the temptation to masturbate in any way,shape or form as well as resist the temptation to act out in other ways other than seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them.It is just that masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and will keep me even further away from getting what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also know that acting out in other ways other than seeking a male partner to act out with will also never give me what I want,either.Again,I am still open to any suggestions or ideas as to how I can do so.Thanks in advance for any encouragement.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
1 comment:
I'm sorry thast you have been having difficulties with temptations to masturbation, even to the extent of giving in to them. Hopefully, you can put the recent incidents behind you. Clearly you have a repentant heart.
The only suggestion I can make is that when you find yourself tempted to masturbate (or to do anything else that you know would be wrong) is to try to think of something else. If you keep thinking about the temptation and that fact that you need to resist it, it will stay in your mind, but if you can turn your attention to something other than the temptation — a book you read, a show on TV, a song you like, a story in the news, or anything interesting — that puts the temptation aside. When you're thinking of something else, you're not thinking about being tempted.
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