Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I got an unexpected request from my next door neighbor early this afternoon.I went with her so she could pick up her pet cat at a local animal hospital.After that,we headed straight home.
When we got home,I went into the house to use the bathroom as I really had to use it.After that,I headed back out to run a few errands and when they were done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bit more personal PC work and went out to clean the backseat of my car of all the empty bottles and cans that had accumulated over many weeks so I can take them back to the store tomorrow after my Thursday morning group.After that,I went back into the house to prepare my evening meal.
After eating that,I watched a little TV and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,on my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia.I never know how my mods and/or emotions will be from one day to the day,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.It's bad enough that I struggle with this terrible psychiatric double whammy that I have.I also struggle with SSA and my psychiatric issues make the SSA struggle even more difficult to deal with.I have to put up with continuous hallucinations and those can be sexual images of other men that are not around me,but only in my mind.They flood my mind tempting me to act out on them constantly by lusting and fantasizing.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as usual,whenever that temptation comes,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation,which is never an easy choice to make.The struggles that I have can be draining emotionally and also,they can even be draining of my physical energy as I do have a lot of energy for a person my age and as a result of a few physical limitations,I can't do certain exercises like running,jogging or any type of exercise that involves the use of my feet.I am always tempted to act out by fantasies and lusting and I am always crying for help in prayer because I don't want to act out nor do I even want to struggle with this SSA as at times,I am really tired of it all.Still,I am going to stay in the fight and not give in to any temptations nor surrender to these unnatural desires that I have.That is what Satan and his minions would want me to do and I can never give them what they want.The reason is that acting out will never fulfill my needs authentically nor will it give me the satisfaction that I really need.Fellow followers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me.I still and always need your prayerful support.I am also in need of some positive verbal encouragement.Please pray for me.Please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They both continually reassure me.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,my plans to return all the bottles and cans in my car and my evening Holy Bible study group,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ