Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went by pretty well.It was also the first time in a long time that I did a laundry pick-up and drop off using my vehicle.It was awesome.I am slowly getting back to normal.
I also did some running around.I had to buy some more ice melting stuff and I also sprinkled some on our sidewalk as well as the porches and the steps.I also went out and bought myself some extra stuff for myself.It was pretty awesome.I had a pretty good day and it was great to be out in the community and enjoy myself.
When I was finally at home,I took it easy and waited for dinner to be ready.It was a light dinner of chicken nuggets,baked potato wedges and baked beans.It was a pretty good dinner and after that,I registered a few more bills at the Where's George website.I also did my personal PC work and watched several more classic Popeye shorts on YouTube.Overall,a pretty good day.
But I also have something to share that I am not proud of.I have been falling short lately and have been wrestling with images of men flooding my head.I also have been masturbating frequently.As a result,I have also been feeling mighty depressed as a result of these fallings.
It all started when I had my accident with my previous car.I crashed it accidentally and I also totaled it.For nearly two months,I was without a vehicle and I couldn't go out and sing for my friends nor be with them.As a result,visions of naked men with erections have flooded my head and I have also been talking to myself as if there was another guy in the room with me and I am agreeing to perform a sexual act,such as fellatio,on him.I have masturbated to these thoughts and cravings.I haven't had any contact with others as of late and I have been feeling miserable.I have been overwhelmed by all of this and I am feeling down as a result.I will NEVER accept the popular opinion that I was born Homosexual/Gay because I know that it was my environment that made me the way I am,including the sexual abuse that I endured when I was younger and all the physical,emotional and spiritual abuse that I have endured at the hands of my overbearring religious fanatic father.I am still feeling the effects of all of the abuse to this day and I really want to escape and move on.I have been trapped as of late in this SSA and I want to really get out.I want to break free and I want to do it rightly.I know that acting out these desires won't get me the fulfillment that I really need.I know that I need healthy same-sex relationships where I am truly accepted by other guys and also feeling and being them.I want to discover the joys of male bonding because I am a male.If anyone out there has any advice on how I can obtain this,please let me know.I will take whatever advice that is gven me and I will try to follow it and apply the best way that I can.Thanks in advance for any help.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well.We are also under a winter storm warning that is going to start at 11:00pm tonight with it expiring at 11:00pm tomorrow night.I am hoping that where I am living escapes the tale end of it and we don't get an awful lot of snow.
That was my day today,my hopes for the day tomorrow and what I have been too scared to share as of late on this blog.I am hoping that someone reads this and gives me some good advice.I am going to be needing it.FJ