Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though it is still a rough and rocky one indeed.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to my weekly spirituality group and that went as well as expected.After that was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after eating,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in some more empty bottles and after collecting my refund from those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player while doing so.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very rough and rocky one at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I am still continuing to go through the usual emotional roller coaster that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never predict how my emotions will be from one day to the next.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that someday soon,my recovery from BPD will start improving and I will start to feel good for a while rather than put up with this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation as it was a really strong one.I tried to toss and turn,but the erection still wouldn't soften.I had to get up and walk around some until the erection died down.I went back to sleep when that happened.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to continue using all of my strength to resist each and every temptation that comes my way.The struggle with SSA is definitely no picnic.I have to continually put up with every facet of this condition and the unnatural desires that go with it.I am still tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose to stay home and not give into that temptation.Acting out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I am constantly in a fight to stay sexually sober,but these unnatural desires really make it extremely difficult for me to stay sober.Again,I appeal to those who read my blog posts regularly and follow it,please leave some encouragement for me and some practical and helpful advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continually stay strong when these desires try to take control of me.Please share something encouraging to me.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ