Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Monday afternoon group for building and improving self esteem.I was looking forward to this as I usually do every week.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went great and after the group was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the hospital to see how my mom was doing and after several minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,it is still a rough and rocky road at best.Then again,it goes with the territory of having BPD.My mood changes by the day and at times,it changes within the same day.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am on and at times,it can feel like it will become unbearable.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.Aside from that,I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it seems that it is really getting too unbearable to handle.I simply talk to both God and Christ and they help sustain me.It is wonderful to rely on the one responsible for me being here and the son that he sent for us to break us free from the bondage of sin.Thanks again to both God and Christ for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.Like the previous two occurrences,this didn't last very long.I simply started to get up and the erection started to die down.I sat up for about a few minutes and when the erection fully softened,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Later on while bathing,my mind started to wander and degrading sexual images of men started to cloud my mind and I had to stop myself as I was also attempting to get erect by manipulating my genitals to attain erection and then proceed to masturbation.I simply asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt better.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to use all my strength and know how to fight and resist these urges.It can get really difficult as the urge to act out can be really strong and overwhelming.While that can be,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle and/or endure.I simply throw it on God in the name of son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.I have to continue praying and relying on God and Christ more.Without them,it is impossible to endure and fight.Thanks to both God and Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ