Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I had to do some running for my sister and when I got home,I did my personal PC work.I then got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had some stuff that I needed to do.I first went to the local public assistance office to pick up an application.After that,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in some empty cans and bottles that had accumulated in my car over several weeks.After turning all of those in,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as a result of my mom now dead.It hasn't been easy for me as I continue to struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know how my mood will be.It is always unpredictable.It is now a little more rougher with my mom being dead and I am still in recovery from the shock of that and also,the hard and long road that goes with to overcome the hurt,sadness and the feeling of absence that goes with the loss of a family member,especially when it's own mother.The schizophrenic tendencies that I have are also getting worse as a result of that.I will still continue to take my medication and continue my therapy sessions.While the road right now is rough and it is very difficult,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.It can get very overwhelming.I simply take my struggles and talk about them with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.The struggle when someone has a double whammy,BPD and schizophrenia mixed in,like I have is very difficult,but with God and Christ being there,it makes it a tad easier.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was a very overwhelming urge that I had to masturbate and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and stayed sitting up until the erection softened and when it did,I tried to go back to sleep,but had to get up again to use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I later gave into another temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near to the point of orgasm and stopping.There was also some lusting involved as well.With that,I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better and all,but I still have to have the strength to resist this and ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me strength to fight and resist this particular urge whenever it comes.I am now at a very vulnerable state right now and I am being tempted to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have in a lot of ways and forms.I really need prayers from everyone who follows this blog and reads what I post here.I am in desperate need of prayers right now and they will all be appreciated.I will also continue to praying to God in the name of Christ Jesus myself as I could now use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these sinful urges.I am hoping that I can be strong in this period of weakness and vulnerability.Yes,I need prayers desperately and I will also continue to pray myself.Thanks in advance for any prayers said.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Spirituality group and lunch at the local kitchen.I have no other plans for the rest of the day,but I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ