Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.I had a few things planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first had to call the local Social Services office to make an appointment to discuss some things with them,mostly personal,and after that was done,I simply relaxed for a while.
After a while,I decided to go out and run a few errands.I still have to work on keeping busy.I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed for a while after doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is going to be rocky for a while and I am going to need all the help and support that I can get.I am glad to have my family and some caring friends from church and otherwise.It is still not going to be easy as I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.Last night,depression started to set in as a result of my mom's passing on Friday and the emotional eulogy that I gave.It is going to take me a while to start getting back where I would like to be emotionally and also,I have to also battle the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.I will continue my therapy and continue taking my medication as directed.I will also continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle, because without them,I feel that I won't make it through anything.I can never go it alone as that would be impossible.The battle with the symptoms of BPD with schizophrenia mixed in is difficult enough and going it alone is out of the question.I continue to rely on God and Christ more and when I talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I feel a tad better and it makes it only a tad easier.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that I never have have to go it alone.Thanks to both God and Christ Jesus for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This temptation was yet another overwhelming one and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and I also had to use the bathroom,which I did use and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I gave into a later temptation to manipulate my genitalia for the purposes of getting them erect and/or near orgasm and stop and yes,it was to sexual images of men for lustful and forbidden purposes.It wasn't any man that I know personally,it was simply images of men in general.After I did this,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after I was finished,I felt better and I went about my day.I am now becoming even more aware that Satan is using my struggles with SSA in hopes of me deciding to go back to the so called "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle,but I am working on not giving them the satisfaction that Satan feels that he deserves and I refuse to surrender to the unnatural desires that I have to indulge in sinful sexual activity with another man or other men.I have to work on staying strong and showing these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not them owning me.Regarding masturbation,I also have to show my male sexuality that I also own it and not it owning me,as masturbation is mostly being enslaved to your own sexuality and not making your sexuality a slave.I will still continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too impossible for me to endure or fight.I have to keep throwing any sort of temptations on them and having those temptations be reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better knowing that I am forgiven for my sin and that God forgets sins once forgiven.It is a pleasure to worship God and also,learn how to properly serve him in the name of his son Jesus Christ.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I still have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ