Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,moves forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After cleaning myself up,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to see if I could find some steel grip glue.After that,I decided to take a drive out to see how a friend of mine has been doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,the road will still be rocky for a while.I am still dealing with the affects of my mother passing away.It isn't going to be easy,but I need to learn how to manage without her.I am still struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I am still attending therapy and I am still taking my medication.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of taking it up with God and Christ and letting them help ease my pain and suffering.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming temptation and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this.I turned to the left side and just didn't touch my genitals and after that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with the unnatural desires that I have and at times,the war cam seem too impossible to fight,but I also keep in mind that with God,all things are possible and the battle can be won.I am still going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for it's own good.With God and Christ leading the way,I feel better knowing that I am not alone in this fight and that is very reassuring.It is simply a matter of throwing the temptation on God and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to get me through it and to help me to resist the temptation and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I feel better knowing that I am forgiven and that God has forgotten my sin.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have church as usual,including the Holy Bible study class before the worship service.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ