Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
Today,I had only a couple of things planned.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.But I am still having difficulties dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it is never easy.I have to put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and that ride is usually not a very nice ride at all.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the symptoms of BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions.I still take my medication as directed.Though it is difficult,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength that I need to deal with these things.It doesn't make it easier,but it does give me the assurance that they are there and they will help me once I ask for them to take the lead.Again,it doesn't make it easier,but it makes it more manageable.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.It was both an emotional fall as well as lusting after other men and their bodies without clothes on type of fall.It really made me feel terrible and though I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I still felt guilty about it for a long time that day.I also know what led up to that fall.I was still feeling stressed out by the day.Earlier in the day,I had to go to the local hospital for much ordered blood work and the time was very stressful.I was going without food as I had to fast for 12 hours and also,I did without my usual morning cups of coffee to get it done as I was also waiting for the whole thing to be done.It was stressful waiting and also,having to go the hospital basement to get x-rays done also added to that stress as I was waiting for over twenty minutes to get that done.For much of the day,I was really at edge and I really couldn't talk to nobody.It all lead up to my fall last last night and also,though I believed I was forgiven for the fall,I still felt guilty by it all and I am just hoping that the next several days will be better.I also was again tempted to masturbate again when I was awakened by another erection in the wee early morning hours.I did fight to resist this and I won,but it could have led to another fall.Though it didn't,I still could have given into that temptation,but I didn't.I also regret that yesterday,I should have relied on God and his son Jesus Christ,but I didn't and I am sorry for that.I have to keep on remembering to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when these temptations happen and I will be okay.I also ask that anyone out there who reads and follows my blog regularly to please say a prayer or two for me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks so much.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I am also hoping to have lunch at local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ