Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed quickly.After my quick bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed quickly to hurry over to my improving self esteem group.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local pizzeria for two slices of pizza as a quick lunch.After that,I headed straight home.
When IO got home,I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but it is still a difficult road ahead.I am still having to deal with and struggle with BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that it has.It is never easy and it does happen day to day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which make the struggle even more difficult.But I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through and it does ease the struggle a little.It is still difficult,but with God and Jesus Christ taking over,it isn't as difficult as going it alone without them.I just keep relying on them and it is okay.The more that I rely on them,the better that I feel.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this overwhelming urge as I was still tired and sleepy.I simply started to get up and as I was doing so,the erection started to soften and when I got up to go to the bathroom,the erection was dead and I simply went back to sleep afterwards.But later on,I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation,but stopped myself and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that.I need to learn to not touch myself inappropriately for lustful and sexual purposes as that can lead to sinful activity such as masturbation or to start seeking out other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful whenever the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,and work to fight and resist it.The more that I resist,the more stronger the urge comes the next time around.That sort of temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Again,I simply rely on God and Jesus Christ when that happens and after that,it has faded and it is long forgotten.I just have to keep on doing that and I will feel better in the long run.The struggle with SSA is never and easy one,but with God and Christ taking over,I can overcome anything as the Holy Bible says in it's own way "With God,all things are possible."Thanks God and Jesus Christ for everything.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ