Tonight,my road to recovery continues to forward,but I have been feeling burned out as of late.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some stuff planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to my spirituality group and that group was wonderful.We talked of many things and after it was over,I left and I headed over to a local kitchen for something to eat.After lunch,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After the withdrawl,I stopped at a nearby video store to look around.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the burnout that I have been feeling.
My road to recovery continues,but it hasn't been very pleasant as of late.I have been feeling burned out lately.It has been a lot of overwhelming things like my mother not feeling well,the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with having BPD and schizophrenic tendencies alongside that and last but not least,the sinful nature that I have that practically every other human being has.Of course,we humans have different or at times the same struggles,but at times,the sinful nature that we all have always wants each and every one of us,including myself,to do what is wrong in the eyes of God when we,including me,wants to do the right thing,To top it off,my mother not feeling up to snuff and also,my dealings and struggles with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I am still going to attend my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.But I am hoping that I can feel better than I have been lately.I really hate the burned out feeling as I am just trying to live rightly to the best of my ability,but my sinful nature wants and tempts me to do the opposite.I am desperately asking for prayers from each and every one of you who have been watching and following this blog of mine because I am in real desperate need of prayer and I also desperately need strength to get through this difficult period that I am going through.Thanks to all of you for prayers offered.
Regarding my SSA struggles,they are adding and contributing to the burn out that I have been experiencing.In the past two weeks,I fell twice by masturbation.I fell last week and I also fell this week.I really felt terrible as these failings that I have been going through have been really a crushing weight on me as I want to do the right thing,but I gave into my sinful nature and the temptations that go with that nature.I was also again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours this morning when an erection woke me out of a deep sleep.As soon as I started to get up,the erection died down and after about a couple of minutes,I went back to sleep.This week,though it isn't over yet,has been really and very stressful.I had blood work done on Tuesday and that really took most of the morning from me as I was going without food and coffee for much of that morning.I was at edge for much of Tuesday and was still a little at edge on Wednesday as well from all of that.Today,I have just been feeling burned out and tired of this sinful nature of mine and the temptations that go with it.People keep telling me not to beat myself up so much when I fail,but I can't help feeling sorrow,regret and deep shame for failing.I want to feel better,but don't know how I can go about doing that when I am feeling burned out.Again,please say repeated prayers for me as I really need them and I also need the support,advice and/or guidance at this time.Again,Thanks in advance for everything as need and they are all appreciated.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to get my oil changed in my engine and I also have a meeting with the pastor of the church as we are continuing our one on one study time together.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ