Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
It was a rocky day for me yesterday.In the early afternoon,I was getting up off of a chair to help my mom to the bathroom,when she started to suddenly have pain in her back.She also couldn't breathe without feeling pain.I immediately called my niece who when she arrived,called her mom and her mom advised her to call an ambulance,which she did.The ambulance arrived quickly and took her to the local hospital.I continued on with my day while still awaiting from my niece or my sister about my mom's status.I spent the rest of the evening in the house alone,but tried to pass the time watching TV,but when I tried to sleep last night,I had a difficult time trying too get to sleep as a result of the stress of the day and everything connected with it.
Today,I simply did a few important things,like pay a bill at the local Sears store and also,checking out the local thrift stores for anything.After that,I headed over to the local hospital to pay my mom a visit after hearing what her room number is.
After spending some time with my mom,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple boxes of trash bags.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this to God in the name of son Jesus Christ's name and I do feel a tad better.Therapy does help and medication also does help,but God and Christ do things beyond human therapy and man made medication can do.It is simply a matter of talking to God and helping me to endure through the most difficult days and make them a little bearable.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to really use all my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I simply sat up for a while and when I did,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep.There was also an episode where I grabbed my genitals and started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of erecting or near erecting them so I could masturbate,but stopped myself and asked God for forgiveness for doing that.Though I did escape these two particular episodes,I still have to keep in mind the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant battle with these unnatural desires that I have and the battle can be a very difficult fight and struggle.There are times that I have to simply tough it out and just fight these temptations as giving into them are sinful.Though the struggle seems overwhelming,I still continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems way too unbearable to handle.I simply throw the temptation on them and after talking about it with them,I feel better as the temptation is reduced to nil.It is never easy wanting to do the right thing,but to gain and get God's approval for trying to do the right thing,though I do fall short at times,is always worth it.If I do indeed fall,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after that,the slate is wiped clean and it is forgotten by God.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,it is simply church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.I am also planning to visit my mom in the hospital for a few minutes as well.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned,but I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ