Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.It was actually a pretty quiet day on the job.As a result,the day went pretty fast.I simply did my job and when I was finished in the early afternoon,I bagged everything,dropped it off at the rehab center and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket and bought a few things that were needed for home.I also went to a gas station and filled my gas tank up.Though I had 3/4 of a tank,I still wanted to fill it up because we are going to have a bitterly COLD!!!! night tonight and a bitterly COLD!!!! day tomorrow.That way,my 4X4 will start up in the morning faster.This morning,I had no problems starting her up,which was a relief.I was a little worried that it wouldn't.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and took it easy.I also watched a 30 minute documentary video on the history of Filmation animation.It was interesting to watch and very informative.
After eating a light dinner,I finished my personal PC work that I had started in the morning while on break at work.It was quite a lot and despite some issues,I got it done.
I am now relaxing at home and I am anticipating the next day.I am just hoping that tomorrow will be a very worthwhile day.
Regarding my SSA issues,they have been mild but I'm still feeling the feelings that I don't want to feel.I am also having piowerful cravings to act out on my desires but I am not going to do that.I have had some images creeping up on me in my mind and I was trying to manipulate my sexuality along with the images.I stopped before I could go too far.This is really bringing me down.The only reason why I don't talk about this with any of the counselors that I am currently seeing is because they will only tell me that it is who I am and what I am and I should just embrace the identity that I have and I will feel happier.But I can't do that.From all of the books that I have read,I have come too far in this process and returning to that way and/or pattern of living is like the dog returning to it's own vomit after it has expelled it out.I want to stay on the road to recovery.I want to overcome this dreaded SSA that I am struggling with and I know that acting out on my desires will NEVER get me the fulfillment that I need to feel like a man.If anyone out there has any advice for me,please share so I can get over this obstacle that I have been trying to get over for the past few years.Please help me,anyone out there.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up ges smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ