Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first met with my case worker here at the house.The meeting was for 20 minutes and it went well.After the meeting,I headed out to a local store to pick up something that I needed for myself and after paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and I had an early dinner as I had plans to attend church tonight as it is Ash Wednesday,the start of the season of Lent.I got dressed up in nice dress clothes and headed for the church.
The Ash Wednesday service was a wonderful service and we also had Holy Communion as well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did some cleaning up here and there and I put some stuff into my car's rear seat to drop off at the local Public Works place.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading as well before turning in for the night.Overall,a very good and eventful day,as for me,attending church always makes the day eventful.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.At times,this particular struggle can get pretty tiresome and I also wish that I didn't have to go through it,although I know that I have to go through it day after day.The emotional roller coaster ride can really feel draining at times as I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.It struggling with BPD wasn't bad enough,I also suffer from the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.Aside from the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to struggle with hearing things that only I can hear and that nobody else hears,such as footsteps,voices calling my name and whenever I look,there is nothing nor nobody to be found.At times,this struggle can also make me feel drained and even make me feel confused.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this particular struggle with God and Christ Jesus leading the way.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection and lustful thoughts alongside with that temptation.I got up and started to walk and the erection softened while I was doing that and when it was fully soft,I went back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to act out in other ways,such as fantasies,lusting and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though at times,ejaculation does occur or I proceed to masturbate when orgasm happens.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these terrible SSA related temptations came at me.I prayed and I prayed real hard and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist these urges and to also show that I am serious about healing from these terrible unnatural sexual desires that I have and from this terrible SSA,as I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I felt better after praying for that strength and I felt stronger.As the temptations came,I prayed and I prayed hard and I felt better after that.I am also asking again for prayers by all of you who follow my blog and read the posts.I also ask that y'all leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA.It is just that my blog gets visitors,but they don't leave an encouraging comment or two for me.Please don't be shy.Please leave me an encouraging word or two and also,keep up in prayer for me.Thanks in advance to all of for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Thursday spirituality group,lunch at a local kitchen afterwards and dropping off some stuff at the local Public Works office.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ