Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a not too bad of a day today.It was a sunny day.Not too hot not cold.Just right in the middle.But there was a tad bit of humidity.I dd not do too much.I did go to a Salvation Army thrift shop in my area and I bought some more collectable records over there.It was neat.Not only that,I also managed to look around there to see if they had anything else but it was the same old same old.
I then went home after leaving there and I finished my personal PC work.I also had dinner and I even posted a few e-mails to a few friends who lived in other parts of the United States.Overall,not too bad of a day.
Last night,I had a friendly drink with a few friends over at the place where I sing and it was wonderful.I also had a talk with a regular guy who also stopped in and it was wonderful.We talked about the effects of Christopher Columbus discovering America and why it happened.The reason why is because he wanted to show that the world was round and not flat like many sailors and explorers believed.Well,he did prove it in more ways than one and it was a history making event.Whether Columbus discovering America was a good or bad thing is up to debate but he did bring some stuff with him that had a negative effect on the world late such as STD's.Not only that,he also imposed the foreign religion on the Native Americans(i.e.Indians) and many of the crew members also raped the women of the Indians.This is from what I have read and from many other documents shared over the years.Sometimes,I felt that Columbus should have left well enough alone.
Last night,after I went to bed,I tried to go to sleep but couldn't.I tossed and turned but to no avail.All of a sudden,images from the past started coming back to haunt me again.I also had a vision of me wearing a princess costume at a masquerade party rather than a Prince Charming costume.I wound up masturbating until ejeculating.I did go to the bathroom to wash and I asked God in Heaven to forgive me.Afterwards,I forgave myself and I finally went to sleep.I woke up today around 1:15p.m.I had a horrible dream last night that I was bound in a tower and it was dark everywhere around.I called out but nobody heard me.All of a sudden,I lost my voice in teh dream and what ended it was hearing the alarm.I turned off the alarm and I proceeded to get on with my day.
I do not care what these recurring images and/or bad dreams try to amount to.I am not abandonning my healing process.I know the right thing and I know what is wrong.I am going to continue on in my healing and I am determined to overcome Homosexuality/SSA no matter what.I may be weak and imperfect but I am going to stand my ground and stay strong.I will not act out with another man.No way.No How.
Tomorrow is simply a work day.I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.I also have an appointment with my substitute sexaul abuse support counselor and I am hoping that the session with her goes well.
That was my night last night and my day today alongside my hopes for the day ahead.FJ