Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a very good day today.I did not do too much.I just ran another errand for my mom to pick up a few things for dinner tonight.We simply had frozen mini pizzas with a little bit of something extra on top of the pizzas.It was great.I also managed to stop at a few stores to look around and that was great to simply window shop.I did not find too much in them though I did manage to pick up a couple packs of recordable music CDR's so I can start making my own CD's.Overall,a pretty good day.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd was a huge success.I had a blast last night just singing up a storm and feeding some of the candy that they were handing out to all the patrons.Yes,the party was awesome.There were lots of people dressed up for the big Halloween party and the party was also a blast.I had a great time entertaining the crowd last night.I also had a great time just talking with the patrons and sharing lots of fun and enthusiasm with everybody.I enjoy entertaining the crowd as I always do.I always look forward to doing just that each and every Saturday night.I am looking forward to doing it again next week and I am hoping that it is as much a blast as it is every Saturday night.
I am at home relaxing at the moment.The evening is cool and I am feeling rather comfortable at home.I may go out tonight just to have a nice friendly drink with the gang at the place.Afterwards,I'll just relax and I might watch a movie before I turn in for the night.
Tomorrow is my day off.I do have a meeting with my anger management/conflict resolution support group tomorrow evening.I am hoping that the meeting goes well.
That was how it went for me last night and today,including my anticipation for the rest of night.FJ
5 comments:
I know you are looking to bond with other males. I am not a male, but rather a woman. I, like what you posted in your interests, have an interest in SSA.
Anyway, you mentioned in your blog that you were going to go to an anger managemment, conflict resolution group.
How is that for you? I attended such a group, at the request of my therapist, several years ago. I found it to be very good and a safe place to learn and deal more effectiviely with my own anger. I learned some good techniques, but, really, it has ben getting to the root of those anger issues that has helped me more than anything.
Even though you are looking for male friends, you and I have many things in common. :)
Hello Jen
Thanks for posting.Not too many people post a comment or two here.It makes me feel like I am all alone.Thanks again.
Though you are a woman,it is great to meet someone else who I have many things in common with.
Regarding the anger management/conflict resolution group,I found out about this group where I go for mental health therapy and medication management and decided on my own to give it a try.Last year,I had a few episodes where I lost my temper on a few occasions,including two experiences where it happened on the job.I was forced into counseling to save myself from losing my job in the same place where I go for what I described above.I am no longer doing that and I have received compliments for being able to hold my own in over a year since the last episode.As of now,I am going to that local group and it has been doing me some good.I also attend Celebrate Recovery meetings at a church weekly and they have been helping.I am seeking counseling from another church regarding overcoming SSA and sexual addiction.
I still have a problem with masturbation.I do give in frequently,but I try not to let it get me down when I do.I just pick myself up and start all over again.
Thanks again for posting.Please keep checking back every so often because I post every night to almost every night.FJ
Thank you for responding to my comment! :)
I can relate to the bouts of anger. I have also been there, done that, and yes, at work. It was NOT pretty. I am ashamed of the things I said to co-workers. Thankfully they have moved on to other jobs so I do not have to be remnded DAILY of what I did. But, I have NOT forgotten, even though they are gone.
I, too, have a problem with masturbation. Sometimes, I am drawn into it because of the nager and rage I feel for the things (trauma, sexual abuse, etc.) that have happened to me, sometimes, it is just a sexual relief, sometimes it is because of the fantasies I have, and sometimes? Sometimes, I just do not know.
For years, I struggled with the gay issue. This past March, I was ready to cash my life in because I felt like God would rather have me dead than to love a woman. I was actually on my way up the canyon to do it- I got nabbed in the meantime by a policeman because I was driving too fast. While I was waiting for the hundreds of dollars ticket that I new he was going to give me, I told myself it did not even matter because I would be dead and would not pay the ticket. He came back to my car, told me to slow down, and did not give me the ticket I so deserved. A few seconds later, it hit me what had happened. Divine intervention had stopped him from giving me the ticket, which in turn, stopped ME from doing what I was going to do. Within a few days of this happening, I came to a peace about being gay. I could be gay, but it did not mean I was now obligated to act on it. THAT had been my struggle: IF I was gay, then I HAD to act on it. Not so.
You said in your profile that you write music? What kind of songs do you like to write? I, too, dabble at writing music...but, I kind of write the actual music and not the words, although I have been known to write some poetry now and then.:)
You mentioned that you wereworking with a church to help you overcome SSA? Have you ever looked into: www.Evergreeninternational.org? In fact, one of the people who showed up one of your links, Janelle Hallman (is that her name?) was a speaker recently at the Evergreen Conference.
I feel very sorry for the sexual abuse you have endured and survived. I, too, know what that can be like. I hope, in time, your trauma will lose its horrible hold on you and that you will be able to come to some kind of resolved peace and understanding about it.
I could write a lot more, but I do not want to overwhelm you. :)
I do have an e-mail address...maybe that ould be an easier way to communicate? And, I also wrote a book that I have posted on a very anonymous blog, detailing some of my own abuse and sexual feelings.
If you want either site, e-mail or the book site, let me know.
Have a nice evening!
What part of New York do you live in?
I live in the heart of the West. :)
Hello Jen
Thanks again for the follow-up post.Truly appreciated.
I am already aware of Evergreen International.I have visted their site lots of times strictly for short visits.I have not ordered anything from them,but plan to in the near future when I am financially able.Regarding that group that I was seeking,I was talking with a counselor that I found out about via Exodus International and she informed about a group that another church was going to start one hopefully in November and I am awaiting patiently for this.I am hoping that it starts soon.I have a lot more emotional baggage that I have to relieve myself of.
Reagrding music,I only write lyrics.I can't write or even play music.I do have a love for it and I also sing.I sing both country music and Sinatra styled pop.As I have stated,some people have told me that I am Nashville and Vegas rolled into one.But I am hoping that one day,I can collaborate with somebody.
Regarding what you said about acting out and masturbation.I can also relate.You see,for many years,like you,I always thought that acting out was an inevitability rather than a choice.Later I learned that it is a choice and I do not have to act out.On masturbation,I think that if it not as much with same-sex fantasies,it also has something to do with connecting with your "lost self".What I mean is that with a female,she is trying to connect with her "lost femaleness" and in males,their "lost maleness".But even same-sex fantasies can play a role in it as well.Most of the time in fantasy,you're simply reliving all the times that you acted out in your mind causing mental fuel to masturbate.It can also be a mixture of other things.
Jen,I would love to communicate with you personally.Simply leave your e-mail address on here and I will e-mail you.In that personal e-mail,I will reveal where I live in the USA and my real name.I only use the anonymous FJ because I do not want others I know in my city to find out and leave nasty comments on here.That happened once before with a previous blog that I had when I got some nasty posts calling me "faggot", "sissy", "male bitch", "cocksucker" and a lot more.I closed that off and I started all over again with a new one,which is this current one.
Again,you can leave your e-mail address here and I will write it down on paper and add it my address list at my personal e-mail address.In the personal e-mails,you can also share with me your blog address if you have one.
Thanks for everything.I will be posting tonight.Stay tuned.FJ
I posted a couple of comments on Monday, Oct. 29th date.
I really liked what you said about masturbation. That made a lot of sense. Thank you!
And, I am sorry that people got on your site and left you horrible names. That is awful!
You said, I think it was in your profile, that you consider yourself trying to overcome sex addiction? Is that right? How is that going for you? Are you addicted to men, or porn, or to self? I know- I am a nosy nelson...sorry...
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