Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the morning and had my usual coffee.After that,I got dressed and headed for work.

The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I showered quickly and did my personal PC work.I then relaxed for a while and even did a little bit of dishes that were in the sink.

I had a light evening meal and I did some more dishes.I also did a little bit more personal PC work.Later on,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

Earlier today,and I still feel miserable about this,I gave into the terrible temptation to fantasize and lust after other men.I also masturbated to these images.Again,I feel terribly miserable because I did this terrible thing.I felt sad for most of the day as a result of my falling into sin by giving into this terrible temptation.As I have said,my struggles with SSA have been very overwhelming as of late.I can't seem to stop thinking about sexual images of men.I'm supposed to be a man.A man is not supposed to have these terrible and unnatural desires for other men.I don't want to have these unnatural desires that I have anymore.I want to feel like a man is supposed to feel.Right now,I don't feel like a man is supposed to feel.These desires that I have are unnatural and inappropriate.I also want to stop thinking about men in a sexual way.I want to think of men in a Christian way.I want to think of men as brothers,friends,buddies and want to bond with them in a healthy authentic way.It's the only way that men are supposed to think of other men.This has been really bringing me down.The thing is that I'm supposed to be a Christian,but I haven't been very Christian as of late.I have been acting like more of a person in the world rather than within the Lord's fold.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Why has this been happening to me?

How can I stop?

I only ask the above because I do want to stop.I want to stop thinking of men in a sexual way.I want to think of men in a Christian way.As I said before,but will reiterate;I feel like the worst sinner of all,which is how the Apostle Paul felt when he wrote a letter to a particular group of Christians in his day.I do feel like the Apostle Paul.

I have been struggling terribly as of late.I still need all of you to pray for me.I also need to know that none of you have given up on me,although I have given into terrible temptations as a result of this SSA struggle that I have.Please continue praying for me.I need prayers right now very much.I seriously need to be prayed for.Please continue praying for me.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support,such as spiritually upbuilding posts and encouraging words.Please leave your positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ