Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a mixed bag of a day today.This morning,while trying to stay awake so I could do my Wednesday pick-up,I relapsed.The old sexual images of men crept back into my mind because of my emotional state at that moment,which was on the verge of anger,I masturbated.Yes I did.I gave into temptation by doing just that.I did feel miserable for a awhile afterwards even after I asked the creator in Heaven to forgive me.I was seroiusly depressed afterwards even though I truly believed that I was forgiven for falling.The only really good things to happen was that the pick up went smoothly and my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor also went great.Still,despite these good things,I still felt depressed over relapsing and it really was a crushing weight on me for most of the day.Before I left the house for my support group meeting at the church,I did take two St.John's Wort capsules to help ease my depression and they gradually worked.I drove to the meeting afterwards.
The meeting actually went great.I shared my relapse with them and they did not judge me nor labeled me with any names or negative labels.It is like that they understood what I was going through and that it was okay.Just arriving there and being there as an active participant sharing what went on today,including my relapse really made me feel better.I feel great now knowing that I am forgiven and I can simply leave that at the side of the road(so to speak)and move on.Again,I am feeling better and that is good.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ