Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up and that was great.After I did that,I went to the work site.
Before I sorted out the laundry,I had lunch and after eating,I sorted out the laundry before heading for home.
On the way home,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed and I also got her a bottle of pain pills that she needed.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I laid down for about 45 minutes.I was feeling slightly tired and I felt that a nap would do me some good.After I woke up,I ate dinner.
I also decided to do some last minute personal PC work,which included registering another bill at the Where's George site.Before the night is over,I have to go to the store and pick up a few more things that my mom needs.
While laying down,my cravings started coming back.I was once again talking to myself while manipulating my sexuality until the point where I was on the verge of ejaculation,which is where I stopped.It was over the fantasies of having sexual relations with other men.I was also tempted to go over to some guys house that I used to have sexual sessions with,but chose not to.My cravings are coming back strong and I am being tempted once again to go and act out on my desires.I don't want to do that because acting out my desires is not going to give me the fulfillment that I need to get by.I will only feel good for a while but when the feeling wears off,I would act out again just to get that same feeeling of fulfillment,which is false fulfillment.I need true fulfillment and I am not going to get it from having sex with other men.Plus,men were not meant to have sexual relations with men.Men were made to have relationships of that kind with women because we all biologically hard wired for masculine-feminine compatability.I also have to keep remembering that the Homosexual condition is an emotional condition and not a sexual one.I need to get my needs met and fulfilled in a positive way and not negative.Sexual relations with other men will NOT help me get my needs fulfilled.It will only lead to more sex until it comes to the point where it's an obsession and it becomes addictive.I am hoping that I can meet other guys where I can have real friendships where it doesn't lead to anything sexual.I don't want sex.I want friendships with Heterosexual/Straight guys where I can learn from them and feel like A MAN.I don't want any friendships with Homosexual/Gay men where sex is all that matters and not real healthy friendships.That is all I want and ask for.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ