Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today despite a very shaky start.
This morning,I fell short once again.I masturbated yet again.Images were clouded in my mind and I was also talking to myself while trying to stay awake.I was still feeling really tired and I wound up giving in.Yes,I was down.Yes,I regretted giving in.But I felt miserable when I did this and after washing myself and asking for forgiveness,I fell back asleep and slept for 2 1/2 hours.I had no problems during that time.
When I did get up finally,I ate and did my personal PC work.While doing that,I listened to a sermon online.The minister was talking about the meaning of Good Friday and why the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is of very much importance.It was a wonderful sermon and I did feel good after listening to it.After doing my work,I ran a few errands.
I picked up some candy at a local drug store alongside some important personal things that my mom needed for the home.After dropping them off,I went and had a late lunch at a local shopping mall.
After eating lunch,I headed straight home and waited for dinner to get done while doing some more personal PC work.
After eating,I read from a local newspaper and listened to some music while doing so.The day was not to eventful eventful.But I was just glad to be out in the community doing the necessary running around so I could keep busy.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.It was yet another awesome night.Despite a minor problem that I had with an inconsiderate and rude person who was trying to get into any song that I was doing despite my resistance,I had a pretty good night and when the night for me was over,I headed for home.
My resolution for this upcoming week is to try and get through the whole week,including weekends,without being unscathed by sexual images of men and being plagued by them.This week was pretty emotional and I had a couple of really bad experiences but I am hoping that this upcoming week will go better and I can get through it without any problems.I have been going pretty good without being plagued by unwholesome thoughts.Nobody said that the struggles of a man with SSA were easy and I have accepted this as a challenge.Plus,the constant hearing of same sex marriage in the news isn't helping either.This has contributed to the way I have been feeling.I hate hearing so much about same sex marriage because the marriage arrangement wasn't meant for the purposes that these so called "Gay" men are trying to use it for.It is also unbelievable hearing about this.I just wish that I don't have to hear about it so much.Again,my resolution is to get through the week without being plagued by any of these things.
Regarding the rest of the night,I am thinking of going out and having a drink or two with the gang at the place where I entertain.
Tomorrow is a day off.I am hoping that whatever I choose to do will benefit me in a positive manner.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ