Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and after that,I got dressed and proceeded with the rest of the day.
I had a few things on my agenda for today.I first went to the rehab center to meet with the center manager and with the job placement counselor there.
Both meetings went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a couple of thrift stores in the area to look around.After that,I bought a couple of things at a nearby Dollar Tree store.After that,when I arrived back in my home area,I stopped at a local bargain supermarket for a gallon of milk.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I watched another classic TV episode on a DVD set that I have.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Later on,as it was getting late,I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me.Today,after a short sober period,I gave into temptation.I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals this morning upon arising and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind.Fortunately,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed and left nothing out.I also accepted full and total responsibility for my fall and pleaded for my Heavenly Father to be merciful towards me.After I was finished,I knew and truly believed that I was forgiven.I don't know what's wrong with me.Why do I keep giving into the same old temptations?Every time I turn around,I am getting tempted to act out by fantasizing and lusting after other men,and I keep giving into that particular terrible temptation.Again,I don't know what's wrong with me.I need to learn how I can break free from this terrible obsession that I have with members of my own gender and overcome it at the same time.If anyone out there can give me any advice,I would really appreciate that.I also feel that this obsession is connected with the unresolved anger and trauma issues that have happened in my life coupled also with the sexual abuse that I endured when I was younger when I was abused by members of my own gender.I want to stop this and I need all the help that I can get.I am afraid to reveal this to my therapist as I don't want this terrible false identity of Homosexual to be affirmed on me as the Homosexual identity is a false identity and there's no legitimacy with it.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to pray for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section,especially some advice on how I can break free from this terrible obsession that I have and how I can overcome it.I need all the help,prayerful and positive verbal,that I can get.I am hoping that all of you will be here for me and to help me with any helpful advice that can be given.Even if you know of articles written by Christian writers about this particular subject,share those as maybe they could help me.Please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my daytime groups and the final Lenten dinner at my church fellowship hall,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ