Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I washed my hair over the sink and after I was finished with that,I had my usual quick breakfast.After my breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I relaxed for much of the day as the day was really windy.I stayed home and watched a few classic TV episodes on a DVD set that I have.After that,I got dressed in casual clothes and I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I watched another classic TV episode from the DVD set that I have.I also did some more personal PC work.Later on,I changed into pajamas and I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is my most difficult struggle of the two and also,it's even more difficult because of the mental illness combination that I have.I am still a work in progress and I know what I need to do is to try and get myself going in a positive way to get these SSA issues resolved.I am still having a hard time and at times,it can drive me up the wall.Right now,I am still hoping that the therapeutic road that I am going on will help in getting these issues resolved.I still have to get the unresolved anger,trauma and trust issues resolved and I am hoping that this new route will help me.I have found that this is the reason why I can't stop the constant falling and repenting in regards to SSA when I get tempted to act out by fantasizing and lusting after other men.I also still need spiritual direction aside from the secular direction that I am currently on in regards to my therapy.I still have to keep in mind that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong,unnatural and also,inappropriate.I also still have to keep in mind that my Heavenly Father,when he created all human kind on Earth,that he never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world around us is using and abusing it.I can't let the world nor the unnatural sexual desires that I have define nor dictate to me how I will act or the type of person that they presume for me to be.I have to keep in mind that I am a man made in my Heavenly Father's image and that my body is biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female as my Heavenly Father created man and woman,male and female,and accepts no substitutes nor anything out of that.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I still need the support of all of you,both prayerful and positive verbal,daily and often.I need to be constantly reaffirmed and reassured that I am not alone in this particular struggle.I also need to be shown that I am loved like a human being and I also need constant reaffirmation that I am a man and a male.Please continue to pray for me.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for simply being there and helping me get through the negative aspects of the struggle that I have.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the upcoming weekend ahead.FJ
1 comment:
FJ,
I can say from experience and in retrospect, I spent a lot of time and effort looking into anger, trauma and trust issues, etc. It did help a bit to do that to show me how they contributed to my desires and negative feelings. Now as I look back though, I really was focusing on those thing rather than pin-pointing my walk with God. I didn't have to wait until ALL those issues were resolved (if they ever will be, not so sure).
A guy who now helps those with ssa has said, and I like the way he put it. Jaye said, "The essence of the Christian life is not the absence of a struggle, it is the grace of God to have control over the thing that once had control over you." He made this statement in regard to praying/begging God to take away his struggle with ssa. He felt God tell him that begging for freedom from the struggle was not the answer, it was instead realizing that through Jesus Christ's giving His life for him and God's unconditional love, he could right now say NO to acting out sexually or letting any such thing take control in his life.
Titus 2:11-13 describes what we are to do.
The grace of God "teaches us to say "NO" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age." Verse 14 "Jesus Christ who gave Himself for us go redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good."
As I look back in my life I see the grace of God so evident there. Through all my falls and wandering concerning ssa God continued to forgive me, lift me up from where I was, protected me from injury and helped me to keep turning to Him for help. In truth, it was His love that carried me...that is grace (God's Riches at Christ's Expense). I have so much to be thankful for. Others may have abused me, abandoned me, etc. but God loved me, chose me as His child and He is the One I can count on through it all. NO TURNING BACK!
I don't know if you concur with anything I have shared because you don't say one way or the other but hope maybe it helps somewhat. God bless.
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