Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and washed up real quick,had a couple cups of coffee and got dressed.I headed for work.

The half a day at work went well.I headed over to my therapist's office for a session.I had a lot to talk with her about what had been happening with me over the last month.

The meeting with my therapist went as well as expected.After it was over,I had lunch at a nearby restaurant.After that,I bought myself an egg nog milkshake at a nearby McDonald's.After that,I was hoping to go to the public library,but when the snow got too intense,I decided to head straight home instead.

When I got home,I did some dishes and also cleaned around the kitchen after doing so.I also did some vacuuming.After that,I had a light evening meal and I did my personal PC work.Later on,as it was getting late,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

I really need some helpful advice.I haven't begun to let go of the anger and rage that is burning within me.This anger and rage has been burning within me for a long time.As I shared in previous posts,it's the way that I've been feeling towards my father,my paternal grand-mother,those who sexually used and abused me for their pleasure,the lies and deceit that I suffered while part of a religious cult for only two brief years and those who bullied me and called me names.This anger and rage burns really terribly and I would love to simply let it go,but I don't know how.It's easier to hang on to these negative emotions and feelings,but it's so difficult to let them go.I want to,but don't know how to go about it.I was also the victim of trauma all through my life.The trauma was caused by my father and his legalistic ways and his physical and emotional abuse of me.The rape that I endured when I was 16 years of age by a man who lived in my neighborhood.It was also being used and abused by various guys for their own pleasure and the near death experience I had when I was chased into the path of two cars when I was 17 years of age and the painful healing process that went with it.I want to let go,heal and transcend,but simply don't know how.I have held on to these things for so long that it has gotten very difficult for me to let it all go.

At times,I also have very strange and bad dreams at times.I really can't go into detail as to what happens to them because many of them are way too terrible to talk about.Some of these dreams are also very strange.At times,I see wild animals in my dreams.I don't know why,but I do.In one dream I had,I walked and saw a baby elephant who actually talked to me.There are also others where I keep walking and walking,but get nowhere.I even had one weird dream where I was sitting in a chair and the phone rang.The voice-mail came on and it was the voice of my deceased next door neighbor.This dream actually woke me up out of a deep sleep.I've even had dreams where I hung myself in an abandoned location and nobody was there to see.These dreams have also woke me up out of a deep sleep.One night,I had a dream where I was swimming to try to get to shore,but the shore kept getting farther and farther away the closest I got to the shore.I can't even understand these dreams nor do I know why I have them.

My fellow readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I need both encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding.I need all the verbal support and spiritual upbuilding that I can get.Thanks to all of you for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that the day goes well for me.FJ