Possible Triggers

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up early and had coffee.After that,I washed up quickly,got dressed and headed for work.

The work day went better than the last two days.It was stressful and draining the last two days.Today,it was a little bit easier and I managed to get everything done on schedule.After the work day was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed a bit and after that,I showered.I then headed back out for a free dinner at a local church,which was wonderful.After that,I bought a few things at a local supermarket and after getting some gas,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.Later on,I prepared for my evening retirement.A pretty fair to good day overall.

In regards to my SSA struggles,I am still struggling terribly.I have had relapses over the last 2-3 days and I'm feeling miserable.I have relapsed by masturbating to numerous sexual images of men and many other things.I feel very terrible after these terrible relapses.I am also getting sick and tired of falling into these terrible sins.I have been really overwhelmed by fantasizing and lusting after these images.Each and every time I fall,I feel miserable and terrible.I feel like I have failed my Heavenly Father and even myself.I always hate myself after a relapse as this SSA struggle that I have is terrible.SSA is a terrible thing.SSA doesn't do anything to enhance lives.It only makes misery,regret,sadness,depression and confusion because the struggle is very difficult.In my case,since I have both Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia,my personal struggle is even more difficult because of my mental health issues and such.I know that I'm a person and not a diagnosis,but these mental health issues coupled with the intense emotional issues that I struggle with alongside SSA make my personal struggles with SSA more difficult.I feel that I hear voices in my head telling me to manipulate my genitals to these images and I also feel that Satan and his minions are the ones overwhelming me with these terrible images.I am also sick of hearing so much "La-Di-Da" talk about the sinful sexual lifestyle that is connected with the terrible "Same-Sex Agenda".To that agenda,their advice is to simply accept your desires and accept the identity that you have and go out and live that identity.

There's just one problem with that.The so called "Homosexual/Gay" identity is a false identity.It is not a true identity at all.The only really true identity is "Heterosexual/Straight". Even the identity of "Bisexual" is as false as "Homosexual/Gay". I don't want this identity.I want to be what I am,which is a man,and not any other identity.

I understand that the sovereign Lord and creator,our Heavenly Father,doesn't condemn anyone for having SSA or the unnatural sexual desires that go with it,but he does condemn the sexual activity associated with the SSA condition.I simply want to stop giving into these terrible and unnatural urges that I have.I also want to stop giving into the perversions that I have,which are just as terrible as the unnatural sexual desires that I have.

What am I doing wrong?

How can I stop giving into these urges?

How can I stop being enslaved by these unnatural sexual desires and perversions that I have?

How can I stop relapsing?

How can I think pure thoughts about my fellow men and not impure ones?

I need helpful answers and advice.Anything helpful that can and will help me is appreciated.You can share them in the comments section.Your helpful advice can be both encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding posts with Holy Bible scripture and many true and positive affirmations.

Please continue to say prayers for me that I can overcome these relapses and get back on the path to true healing and connecting with my true identity,which is male/man.Please continue to pray for me.I also still want to read that those who are still supporting me haven't given up on me.That would really make me feel better.It will also not make me feel so alone in my struggles as I do feel alone right now as nobody really leaves me anything in the comments section.I need some positive verbal support to help keep me going and show me that I am not facing this terrible SSA struggle alone.I need encouragement.I need reassurance.I also need affirmations and spiritually themed posts.Thanks in advance to y'all for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ