Again, Possible Triggers

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the morning and had coffee.After that,I hurriedly got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service after that.

Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes and finished taking the last few boxes of my record albums to the storage facility.Of course I still have more to box and take down there,but I can do that another day.After that was finished,I had a light lunch and after that,I cleaned the bathroom and wiped down a few places here and there.I then went back out to drop off some free newspapers at a few houses and even turned in some bottles at a local supermarket.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I did my personal PC work and even watched a few videos online.I did go back out again for a little drive and went back home.

When I got back home,I changed into pajamas and I did some more personal PC work.I relaxed for a while until it was time for me to retire.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

Last night,I wrote in detail about my SSA struggles being difficult and the desires skyrocketing on me all due to the stresses of the last few weeks.I also want to share that my mental health struggles with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia actually make my SSA struggles even more difficult.Yes,I do have both of these mental illnesses,which is a double whammy for me mentally,as I struggle not only with emotional roller coaster rides associated with Bipolar Disorder,but also with hallucinations associated with Schizophrenia.I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices,footsteps and something calling my name causing me to turn around,only to see nothing or nobody there.This really gets to me negatively.I often wonder what's going on and even ask myself things such as:

What's wrong with me?

Is there really something wrong or is it just me?

What problem do I really have?

At times,these voices and hallucinations,I feel,are what's causing me to give into these terrible temptations that keep coming at me at both sides.My mental health and emotional issues contribute to the difficulty that I have with my struggles with SSA.I simply don't know whether I'm coming or going.I also feel trapped in the middle between where I'm stuck and where I really want to be.I want to get unstuck.I want to break free.I want to discover real and true healing,but don't know where to start.If anyone can help me,please leave me something in the comments section.I need advice.I need spiritual help and upbuilding and some encouraging words.I feel like a complete basket case.I know that I shouldn't feel that way,but I do.I also feel that I have no place or nobody else to turn to or to run run to.Again,if anyone reading can help,please do so.I also need to know that there are people out there who still support me and haven't given up on me,although I still feel that I am stuck somewhere in the middle not knowing which road to go or follow.

I remember when I first started this process,I was feeling good.This process made me discover that I don't have to live a sinful sexual lifestyle that others who are "Homosexual/Gay" are living and that I acting out was a choice and not an inevitability as many claim that it is.Now,I'm back where I was before and I am feeling terribly and extremely miserable.Depression has really sunk in and I feel sad and lonely.I need to get back to that joy that I felt when I first discovered this process and I need all the helpful support that I can get.

Please continue praying for me.I really need all the prayerful support that I can get.I am always in need of prayerful support.Please continue praying for me.I also need some verbal encouragement and spiritual upbuilding and encouragement.The more that I can get the better.I need to get unstuck and on the right path.Please pray for me and encourage me with your verbal support in the comments section.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a holiday and I have the day off.I haven't made any plans,but I hope that whatever I do gives me positive benefits.FJ