Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,when I got up out of bed,I had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.It also took a bit of doing because I was having issues.The internet browser kept freezing and rebooting itself for a short time.Despite these issues,I managed to get it done and I was relieved.At the moment,there are no issues and I am hoping that nothing happens while I am typing here.
After doing that work,I proceeded to get on with my day.I had only one small errand to run.I had to get several things that my mom needed and I went out to get them.
When I arrived at the local Dollar General store,I had no problem getting everything.I was fortunate that they had everything in stock and after paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I took everything out of the grocery bags and my mom and I put everything away.After that,I relaxed for a bit and I went for a walk while my mom laid down and read from her book.
After I was done walking,I went upstairs and made my bed.I also laid donw and looked through a book that I have until dinner was ready.
After eating,I watched some of the evening news and I decided to post my day on here.It was a pretty good day and I am glad that I did the things that I did.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.I even managed to fit in a couple more songs.They were also having an anniversary party there and the party was really great.They had pizza and it was delicious.I had fun and I also had a friend along for this and it was even more fun.
Earlier today,I had the temptation to visit an online pornographic site.When this happened,I decided not to give into the urge to watch and I closed the internet off entirely.I didn't go on the computer for several hours.I wanted the temptation to die down before I went back on again.Right now,I am not tempted nor do I have the desire to view any pornography online.I did escape this one but I still need to be on guard when the temptation comes around again.The temptation to look at porn can be very strong.But I do have a choice.I can choose not to look at any pornography and just get off the computer when the temptation comes around.I also have to keep in mind that pornography is garbage.It is mental garbage.Not only that,I have to keep remembering that my same-sex emotional needs are not going to fulfilled by watching pornography in any way,shape or form.Again,pornography is garbage and it is also useless.There is really no purpose for pornography at any time.I have to continue to keep these things in mind.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to watch and view pornography online was my struggle today.Plus,I was also having the craving to act out on my desires because watching porn is a way of acting out.Though I did make the choice not to watch it,I still have to remember that there is NO purpose for porn.Porn is simply trash that I don't need.It just debases and degrades the effects of anything sexual,which,in themselves,are quite beautiful.Pornography makes anything sexual look ugly.Again,I do have to keep reminding myself of all these things to stay up and alert to any temptations.Right now,I have no craving to look at porn and I am glad.I can now get through the rest of the evening feeling pretty good about myself.Tomorrow is a fresh start and I am hoping to get through the week without any problems.
I am also thinking of calling my father and talking with him for a while.It is time that I started to let go of the anger that I feel for him.If anyone out there has any ideas on how I can do that,please share.Thanks.
As for the rest of the evening,I am thinking of going out and having a drink or two with the gang over at the place where I entertain.I am hoping for some great talks with them.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes well for me.I also have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ