Happy Thanksgiving,Everybody who reads.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively,but I had a roller coaster ride of a day today as things started out promising,but hit a ditch.
Today,as usual,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did my usual personal daily PC work and after that,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day,but as stated,the day was really a rocky roller coaster ride.
There was a change of plans regarding having dinner today.At first,we were going to have it at our house with my locally living sister and her son,my nephew,coming over.But things changed because my sister bought a huge turkey and she invited my mom and I to come over to her house.We said okay and thanked her.
But things did hit a snag as the morning was winding down.My mom wound up with a terrible headache and also felt very hot.She talked to my sister and said that she wasn't feeling well and all and that she felt that I should only go and have dinner and that she should stay home and rest.My sister agreed and after I did a few more important personal stuff at home,I headed over there.
I didn't stay too long.After eating,I had some small talk with my sister for a while and after that,I headed straight home as there wasn't really anything that I could do as a result of it being a holiday and all.
I simply stayed home when I got there and relaxed while watching a movie on the DVD player.I also kept looking after my mom the rest of the day and I hoped that she would be feeling better before the day was over with.
After a while of resting and with my mom starting to feel a little bit better before the end of the day,I actually did some more personal PC work and made a few phone calls to friends to see how they were doing.Overall,a pretty rough roller coaster ride of a day and I am hoping that tomorrow will be a much better day.
Though my recovery continues to be positive despite some obstacles that I am still working to overcome,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I did give into temptation last night.I simply masturbated after manipulating my genitals with my own hands and when they were near hardness,I masturbated.The trigger for that was images of nude men with erections wanting me to satisfy them sexually with my mouth.There was also a little bit of pornography involved with that as well as I also viewed some Gay themed pornography alongside that.I really felt miserable after giving into temptation and I felt like that I had failed God and myself by giving into that temptation.The sexual feelings that I feel for members of my own gender are really tearing me apart and today's negative happenings also made the struggle as little bit more worse as I was also distracted many times while trying to get personal things done online and otherwise.Fortunately,I managed to get the things that needed to get done accomplished and I did feel marginally better.I am just hoping that the rest of the day and the last several days of this month go by without anything to make my struggles even worse.I am hoping that my mom won't start getting terribly sick on any day as this current month is winding down.I am just hoping that my SSA struggles will start easing up so I can go on with the process of healing and really arrive at the point that I want to be,which is the man that not only I want to be,but the man that God wants me to be,which is a happy,well adjusted Heterosexual man,which is what God intended all humans,both male and female,to be.I am hoping to reach that much needed plateau soon.
Tomorrow,I have plans to go to an AMVETS thrift store in the next county and take advantage of their 1/2 off everything you buy Black Friday sale.I am hoping to find some really great things there.For the rest of the day,when I get home,I will simply relax and take it easy and enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead,as I am still fighting the good fight to overcome SSA and to finally reach that plateau that I want and yearn to reach.Hopefully,one day,I will finally reach it.FJ