Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I quickly showered and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After my breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and for most of the day,I relaxed and took it easy for much of the day.I also had a talk with my father for a while and when that was finished,I got dressed and headed out to do a few things.Before all of that,my caseworker came over and we talked for a few minutes.
I first went over to my sister's house to pick up something.After that,I dropped my laundry off at my niece's house.When that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a few classic TV episodes on a DVD set that I have.I also did some more personal PC work while preparing my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to go out and get some gas in my tank and I also stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched another classic TV show episode that I popped into the DVD player from a set that I own.I then started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me.Today,I did give into temptation again in the early morning.I manipulated my genitals to sexual images of men,but I managed to stop myself before it went to far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for my sins in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed and left nothing out.I also accepted full and total responsibility for my fall.When I was finished praying,I felt much better as I knew and truly believed that I was forgiven for my sins.I went through the rest of the day without any problems.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also ask that you leave some positive verbal support in the comments section.Your support,both prayerful and positive verbal,is very important to me.I need it to stay afloat and also to help me keep going in this particular struggle,as well as to both reaffirm and reassure me that I am not alone in this particular struggle.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday evening study group,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
1 comment:
FJ,
Someone wrote in an article a statement which really summed up things when it comes to change especially regarding sexual acting out. I can't recall his exact words but in essence he said that, "often people say they want to change but at the same time don't put the effort into the process of change." For myself I found that to be true in the past. I told myself I wanted to change but when it came to disciplining myself to actively go toward change I know that over and over I sabotaged that and gave into temptation with little or no thought concerning what I was doing and how it was really keeping me stuck.
There is a term "Binge/Purge Cycle" which describes this pretty well. We have a habit of giving in to temptation (whether thought or deed), then we feel bad for doing that (sinning) and then we ask forgiveness and resolve to change. Before long we find ourselves in the same cycle of giving in (sinning) followed by remorse and resolve again to not fall. To obtain lasting change we have to face the pain inside that drives the acting out (that takes introspection into what prompted the acting out). If one prays and is honest, God will show that person the source of the pain and how it has driven one to cover that pain by acting out sexually (speaking of ss acting out). It can bring tears but those tears will be healing tears. It is worth the effort or else many years from now that person will find himself in the same cycle of Bing/Purge cycle or else he will give up all together. Never give up.
Stan
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