Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After my breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.I first went to a local supermarket to turn in a few bottles and cans and after that,I headed for a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a box of mac and cheese.After that,I went to the drug store to pick up a couple of prescriptions.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I started to prepare my evening meal and the mac and cheese was going to be a part of it.
After eating,I watched a classic TV episode on a DVD set that I have.After that,I decided to do some more personal PC work.Later on,I decided to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day today.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me.Today,I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals when sexual images of men clouded my mind.I fantasized and lusted after them and I masturbated the rest of the way when I was at the point of orgasm.After washing my hands,I immediately went to my Heavenly Father and asked him for forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I begged for my Heavenly Father to be merciful towards me because I was really sorry for giving into these terrible temptations.I prayed and I left nothing out.I threw everything on my Heavenly Father and when I was finished,I felt better and also,relieved as I knew and truly believed that I was forgiven.I went on with the rest of the day.I really need to start getting tough on myself.I can't keep giving into these terrible temptations and repenting and going to my Heavenly Father to be forgiven.I really need to show him that I am really serious about wanting to heal from and wanting to overcome this terrible SSA.I have to stop this habit of falling into sin and going to my Heavenly Father to be forgiven.I don't want to feel that I am abusing the divine gift of forgiveness by doing this so much.I am hoping that my session with the psychiatrist or psychologist that I am going to see on Tuesday will be the start of a new beginning for me where I can finally let go and start transcending from the unresolved anger,resentment,trauma and trust issues that I have.I really want to start healing from this terrible SSA and I am hoping that I can finally discover real healing and real overcoming from SSA.Every time I fall short in this repetitive and destructive cycle,I feel like a complete basket case in this regard.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I still need both your prayerful and positive verbal support daily and often.They both help keep me going and also both reaffirm and reassure me that I am not alone in this particular struggle.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't forget to leave some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to y'all for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of going to a local laundromat and getting my laundry done and church as usual on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ