Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a few things to do today.
I first dropped off a Christmas card at a friend's place and after that,I went to check up on another friend who I hadn't heard from in quite a while.After spending time with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby pizza place for a late lunch.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I did some more personal PC work.After that,I watched a little TV and when I was finished with that,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I watched a few more holiday specials on DVD.I still have some that I haven't watched yet and the Holiday Season will be over in a few days and I want to make sure that I watch all of them before it ends.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Later on,I started to prepare for my turning in for the night.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me.Today,I gave into temptation to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind and yes,I gave into the subsequent temptation to fantasize and lust after these images.I felt really terrible and heart broken at this.Fortunately,I managed to stop myself and I immediately went to my Heavenly Father and asked for forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed and also begged for my Heavenly Father to be merciful to me for falling into sin.I prayed hard and I left nothing out as I laid everything down that I did.When I was finished,I felt better as I truly knew and believed that I was forgiven.Admittedly,I feel like a total basket case whenever I give into these terrible temptations constantly,as I feel that I am failing my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever I do fall into sin by giving into these terrible urges that I don't want to give into anymore at all.I really need to start getting tough on myself.I have to start telling myself "NO" when the cravings to indulge in fantasies and lusting come around,alongside the temptation to manipulate my genitals to these images.Again,I am hoping that the big step that I take in regards to my therapy will help make a lot of difference.I am hoping that finally letting go of all the anger,resentment and trauma issues that have been unresolved for a long time will help me.I think that these unresolved issues after being let go so I can transcend and start to really heal and finally overcome this terrible SSA will be a big help.I also need to learn to start trusting others again as I also have trust issues.I want to be able to trust others,especially other members of my own gender,so I can also learn to accept other men as they are,including their intrinsic maleness and to also accept my own intrinsic maleness.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I am still in need of both your prayerful and positive verbal support daily and often.I also need your prayers as I am about to undertake this big step that I will be making in therapy come this coming Tuesday.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to y'all for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ