Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After that,I washed up real quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.

The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and had a light evening meal.

I then did some more personal PC work.Later on,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

Tonight,I'm again asking for prayers.I'm still struggling with this terrible problem that I have,which is uttering/mumbling angry,hateful and hurtful things under my breath.I have been having this terrible problem for a long time.I want to stop this,but again,I don't know how.I hate myself as a result of this problem.I even say "I hate myself" to myself every day as a result of this problem.If that's not bad enough,my SSA struggles have also worsened and I also want to contain and overcome this problem as much as I want to contain and overcome the terrible problem of the mumbling and uttering negative things under my breath.I have been giving into the terrible temptations associated with SSA and I also want to stop this as well.I hate myself for having these terrible and unnatural SSA desires.I also hate myself for having this terrible problem of mumbling/uttering angry,hateful and hurtful things under my breath.The latter problem is one that I want to stop,contain and overcome because I could hurt others,including myself,with this if I were to one day accidentally blurt them out at the wrong time and around the wrong person.I have been uttering/mumbling these things at my own relatives and their annual get together's every year around the Summer.I have no reason to be this way towards them as many of these are directed towards my still living father and my deceased paternal grandmother.I have to understand that it isn't their faults at all for what happened to me at the hands of my father,and also,the way that my paternal grandmother,treated me and my older siblings as she refused to acknowledge me of my older siblings after the death of my paternal grandfather,who I was really close with.I'm afraid if I don't stop,overcome and contain this problem of uttering/mumbling these things,I could get disowned by my own relatives and that they would want nothing to do with me nor ever acknowledge me or even want to reconcile with me if I don't stop this.I really don't mean those things.It's just that I'm feeling this intense anger and rage burning through myself and I want to contain this anger and rage that I have before the worst possible scenario happens.I also want to stop giving into the terrible temptations associated with the SSA struggle that I have.

Please continue praying for me that I succeed at what I want to do.Please pray that I find the right spiritual counseling to help me as well.I also would appreciate any helpful advice within the comments section.If anyone out there has also had this particular problem of mumbling/uttering angry,hateful and hurtful things under their breaths,please share what you did and what worked for you.I'm hoping that if it worked for any of you,maybe it could work for me.Any advice is helpful as I'm desperate to stop this before it's too late and it could cost me important relationships that I have with my family/relatives,my friends and also,it could cost me my current job,which I like and I'm also appreciated by the people that I work for and those who stay there temporarily.I don't want to lose everything that's important to me and that I've worked so hard for to get.I would appreciate prayerful and positive helpful verbal advice and support within the comments section.Thanks to all of you for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day.I hope that the day goes well for me.FJ