Tonight,I am feeling a bit better.I had a pretty smooth work shift today.After having a pretty good lunch,I started my work shift.It went by pretty well.I simply did my job today and after dropping off the laundry that was clean,I went home.After I dropped some stuff off,I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and to make a small deposit into my checking account to remove some overdrawn funds in it.I am hoping that I do not have to make any more deposits until the direct deposit of my disability check next month.I am just going to be checking my account daily to see if I am still in the black.I hate being overdrawn even if it's only a few dollars.At least,my bills were paid before that.I can now take it easy for now.
I am feeling a bit better than I have in the past few days.I am still battling the SSA demon because I am still at edge over what has happened the past few days.I am feeling more downs than ups.But I am hoping that I can get over this in time.I really hate having SSA.But I am stillin the battle to change that about myself.I am accepting that life will have it's ups and downs but lately,the downs have really been dominating me and it has made my SSA skyrocket.But now,the SSA is gradually going down.I still have to take all of this one day at a time and get through little by little each day.I can never think of never being sexually attracted to men forever.I look at terms of relieving myself of this emotional condition one day at a time.Again,as stated previously,I am not going to let these desires,which are,again,emotional in nature and represent unmet needs that are NOT sexual in nature but are,as stated already,emotional and only represent the drive to be accepted as A MAN and to fulfill myself with relating and identifying with my fellow men on a normal,level and healthy plain and simply just being one of the guys and feeling like one of the guys.Again,I have to take this in terms of one day at a time and handle the desires as they come.The only thing that I have to learn is how to cope with the desires the right way rather than the old false coping mechanisms that I am used to using.I feel that I am learning little by little how to do that but I still need to learn new ways of coping.If anybody out there can help,I will be glad to read some suggestions that any of you might have.
Tomorrow is the weekend.I am looking forward to that.I will be singing up a storm tomorrow night and I am hoping that the night goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tomorrow night.FJ