Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast.I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I got dressed up and I went to one of the places that I applied for a job to see when I might be called for an interview.After about a couple of minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into casual clothes and I headed the bank to withdraw a little bit of money and I went back home to register the bill at Where's George and when that was done,I headed to a gas station to get some gas and after that,I turned in a little bit of bottles and cans that I had in the back seat of my car and when that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a pair of lounge pants and decided to do some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.When that happens,I talk to my Heavenly Father in prayer and I really lay this on him as a burden.I ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help get me through all the negatives of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.They both help in not only sustaining me,but also help keep me on a calmer and level plain.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals during that time.On both occasions,I tossed and I turned as I didn't want to give into these temptations that come at me during the wee early morning hours.I didn't want to fall again like I did on Monday.I need to keep saying to myself that I own these unnatural sexual desires that I have and that they don't own me.On both these occasions,it worked.The erections both died down and I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this double whammy,I was tempted throughout the day to masturbate or "near masturbate."It wasn't just to sexual images of men.There was also an emotional thing to it as well,as some of the time,though not often,I masturbate to relieve me of any sexual tensions that I might have.I know that this isn't an outlet for a single guy like myself,but since I am so used to doing that,it seems to be a regular ritual.Nowadays,it doesn't happen every day like it did when I was younger.But it has become a habit,although I know way deep down that masturbation is a disgustingly dirty and unclean habit.Today,the temptation to masturbate was for mostly emotional reasons and not mostly due to sexual images of men clouding my mind,though that is a contributing factor most of the time alongside the emotional stuff.This time around,I had to really pray hard and ask my Heavenly Father to give me the strength fight and resist this particular urge today.I also need to learn more cleaner ways to relieve myself of my sexual tension as I do have quite a bot of it.I asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to help me fight and resist the urge repeatedly as the temptation to do that really hounded me through the day.After finishing praying,I did feel much stronger and also,felt that my heavenly Father heard me and gave me what I asked for and needed.While I did do that today,I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both prayers and encouraging words from all of you who regularly visit my blog and read the posts.My blog does get many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular struggle.They also motivate continually to continue in my determination to overcome this terrible SSA.They also motivate me to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA that I struggle with.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouraging words.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and also,provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of my spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen afterwards,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ