Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I dressed up and headed for church for the morning's outdoor worship service and the brunch afterwards.
Both the service and the brunch were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,which included me helping out with the clean-up,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I did some reading and relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.If having to put up with the emotional ups and downs of BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.I also have to endure hearing sounds and noises that only I can hear and nobody else can,such as voices calling out my name,footsteps and turning around to see that nobody is there other than me and other things of that nature.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply turn this particular struggle over to my Heavenly Father and I ask him,in the name of his son Jesus Christ,to help me endure and get me through all the negative effects of having this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.They both help in not only sustaining me,but they also help keep me on a calm and level plain.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation yet again late last night when I manipulated my genitals to sexual images of men that clouded my mind and it led to ejaculation.I was really miserable after that happened and I immediately went to my Heavenly Father in prayer and I begged for his mercy because I was really sorry for failing him yet again.I asked him,in the name of his son Jesus Christ,to forgive me for sinning and for giving into the temptation to lust and fantasize with other men.I begged for my Heavenly Father's mercy as I sinned again.I was truly sorry for what I had done.I didn't want to sin,but my sinful and imperfect nature took over me and I gave into the the lusts and temptations of the flesh.I prayed real hard to my Heavenly Father and I left nothing out.I prayed everything to him and I repeatedly asked for his forgiveness and for his mercy upon me.After I was finished praying,I did feel much better and I truly believed that I was forgiven for my sins.I also truly knew and believed that the slate was wiped clean.I am again asking that all of you to please keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.I have been falling like crazy lately and I really need some prayerful support from all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts.I am also asking that none of you be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your encouraging words.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.They visit,but don't leave anything encouraging and/or upbuilding.Please leave me an encouraging word when you visit as I truly need some encouraging words and your prayers.They both help keep me going in this struggle and help strengthen my determination to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Yes,encouraging words and prayers are both helpful and I really and desperately need them day after day.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ