Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual 2 cups of coffee.I sat up in a chair for a while,but was still feeling sleepy and decided to lay down in bed for much of the morning to ease off the drowsiness.When I got back up again a few hours later,I showered and had my usual quick breakfast.After that,I did my personal PC work and when I was done with that,I slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt to head outside to do some snow shoveling on the walk so the way will be clear for the mail people to come.
I didn't go to my usual Thursday morning Holy Bible study group as a result of the weather today.The area where I am living is under a Winter Storm Warning until 6:00pm tomorrow morning and starting at 4:00pm today,we will be under a Wind Chill Advisory until 12:00pm tomorrow afternoon.I stayed home and only went out to shovel the walk for the mail people and to also turn my car over to warm it up so it won't stall on me when I really need it to go somewhere in this really COLD weather.After I was done with both of these things,I went back into the house and simply relaxed while watching a couple of DVD's.I stayed inside and only went back out again to bring the recycling bins back to the back porch once the recycling trucks came to take the recyclables away.After that,I stayed in for the rest of the day.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work and get ready to retire for the evening.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,struggling with BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.While struggling with the psychiatric double whammy that I have is difficult in itself,the SSA struggle is the most difficult for me as I have to struggle with temptations to indulge in fantasies and lusting of other men.At times,the psychiatric double whammy that I have makes the struggle even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things,such as voices telling me to do things wrong or I hear them calling out my name and when I turn to see who it might be,there is nobody there.I also hear sounds like footsteps while I am walking and as usual,when I turn around,there is nobody nor nothing there.It really gets to me so much that I don't know whether I am coming or going at times.The thing with SSA is that I hate the temptations that come around wanting me to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men and also,to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that latter temptation comes around,I simply choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation.I have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me the fulfillment that I need to grow and function like a man.They will never fulfill my needs authentically nor will the make me feel like a man is supposed to feel.Acting out on the unnatural desires that I have will only reaffirm the false identity of Homosexual/Gay,which is the identity that I am trying to distance myself from as I hate that false identity with a passion.I don't want to feel sexual feelings for men anymore and I am tired of feeling them.I want these unnatural sexual feelings to go away.Fellow blog followers,I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things desperately.The encouragement can be anything,such as scriptural upbuilding or just a comment to boost both my self confidence and self esteem.I am always in need of a confidence boost as my self confidence is pretty low and my self esteem is just as low.I would appreciate both prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ