Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I showered quickly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and when that was done,I decided to relax for a while and take it easy.Though I have my car back on the road,I chose to simply stay home and relax.I even rescheduled an appointment with my caseworker for next week.After browsing the internet for a while,I decided to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.I also did some more personal PC work.I then decided to start preparing for evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me and has been really bothersome to me as of late.The stress of the job search has been really getting to me and the temptations to act out by fantasies and lusting after other men as sexual images of men cloud my mind.This has really been difficult for me as of late.I seriously want to work and I seriously like to work.I have been putting applications in everywhere,but so far,no calls for an interview as my last interviews were almost a month ago.Today,as a result of the stress and strain of the job search and really not getting anywhere,I gave into temptation again as mentioned above and again,I managed to stop myself and I immediately went to my Heavenly Father.I asked him for forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed and I prayed.I left nothing out.I admitted everything to my Heavenly Father and I also accepted full and total responsibility for my falling into sin.When I was finished,I did feel much better as I knew and believed that I was forgiven.I really felt terrible because of my falls and I still want to heal and overcome this terrible SSA.I want to heal and I want to overcome. I am very serious about that.I don't want to go back to that sinful lifestyle that I have now abandoned as that lifestyle will only make me feel miserable and it won't give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Fellow blog followers and readers,Please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also would appreciate that you would leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support desperately.I need to be reaffirmed and reassured that I am not alone in this particular struggle.Your support helps keep me going.It also helps keep me strong in terms of both my determination to overcome and motivation to want to heal.Please continue keeping me in your prayers and also,please don't be afraid to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ