Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.I did pick up a few bags of laundry today and took them to the worksite.After sorting them out and starting a couple of loads,I headed over to the social club.
After spending some time there,I decided to concentrate a lttle bit more on my work.I started two more loads of laundry and read from my book for a while as I waited for the loads to get done.As lunchtime approached,I decided to go back to the social club to eat.
After lunch,I continued with my job and read again from my book.
Though I am feeling okay,I did have a brief depressive spell during my work time.It was a case of sudden sadness again but over the course of the afternoon,I started to feel better as the day was winding down.After bagging the laundry,I dropped it off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
As son as I got home,I was to head back out again to go to a laundromat to dry my underwear.
As I was waiting for my underwear to get dry,I read a couple more chapters from my book and when the laundry was done drying,I bagged it all and headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work.I also waited for dinner to get done.
After eating,I watched the evening news and decided to do some last minute personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the brief depressive spell that I had.
At the moment,I am not feeling any depression nor am I having any negative thoughts.I am feeling pretty good and I am also feeling hopeful.I am hoping that these good feelings will last a while.I know the blues can come when least expected and I am prepared for that.I am not saying that I am hoping for the blues to come.I am saying that depression will happen.I am not feeling it now and that is actually a good feeling in itself.But again,I know that depression will happen again.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am having no problems.I am not having any cravings to act out nor are any images creeping up into my mentality.I am also not having the temptation to watch any pornography in any way,shape or form.I am still feeling the good feelings of having thrown away some porn that I had.Again,I had to get rid of all the porn because it was having a negative impact on my recovery from SSA.Pornography has no purpose in the world.The only things that porn does is give people a negative image of sex in general and also,it makes people look like degrading filth.It also makes sex in general look cheap and disgusting.Again,pornography is garbage that has no purpose other than to degrade people and make them look dirty.It's still giving me a feeling of satisfaction that I hope never leaves.I am glad to be free of pornography.Still,the temptation to watch it is still there.I will have to deal with it on a "I'll handle it when the temptation comes around" type of basis.So far,I am not having the temptation to watch porn at the moment,but I know that the temptation will come when least expected.I have to be on guard.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well without any messes to clean up.I also have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor tomorrow afternoon and I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
2 comments:
Hi man,
Good to see any depressive thoughts were temporary. Sometimes I think these thought/feelings come when we are remembering how painful an experience in the past was, or something jogs/triggers those old feelings of rejection or abuse. Writing about some of those things for me has been an exercise that helped to minimize their negative influence. Takes away their punch I guess you could say.
On the 28th of June I am going to Tampa, FL for a few days to visit a friend. I have never been there and am excited about going. Need a holiday.
Take good care and cheering for you each day. One day you won't feel you have to search for your true self, prayin' that will happen soon.
Stan
Stan
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and prayers. They are always appreciated. It helps keep me going.
You could be right about the thoughts/feelings. I guess that I have been remembering too many painful experiences because I have been talking about them in therapy. But since I have been wanting to reconcile with my father, the feelings have been slowly going away. But still, the sudden depression still hits when least expected. It just happens without warning and then, you are suddenly feeling sad. I guess that it goes with the territory, though at times I wish that it didn't.
Though it is only a little over a week off, I hope that you have a nice vacation to Tampa. I hope that it will be wonderful. Take Care Stan.
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