Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.I was really hurrying with my bath as I was planning to go to my nieces and babysit for her while she went to work this morning.While drying up,my niece called and told me that I didn't have to come over and babysit because her live-in boyfriend was going to babysit for her rather than go hunting.Admittedly,I was a little disappointed as I was hoping to babysit her kids today.But after the phone call,I settled into my normal routine.
I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I also watched a little bit of TV for a while.
When the afternoon approached,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only a little bit to do today.It wasn't very much.I simply had to go to a local supermarket to pick up one small thing that was needed and after paying for that,I headed straight home as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and also watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues on a positive trek,I am still dealing and struggling with depression and it's symptoms.I have been dealing with them on a one day at a time basis.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,the temptation to give in was indeed as strong as ever.I did give in to the temptation to look at porn,but it wasn't videos of two or more men having sexual activity with each other.It was simply looking at pictures of naked men.I actually really gazed at the pictures and I was also trying to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of masturbation.But somehow,I managed to stop myself before it could go too far and got off the computer for a while.This was all in the late afternoon after I had gotten home from my shopping at the AMVETS thrift store in another county.I need to be on guard as to when the temptation to act out really comes around.It has been really strong and resisting the temptation to do that is extremely difficult to do.I am still looking for ways to resist temptation to act out on my desires and I am always open to suggestions.I want to be the man that God wants me to be and not what the world wants me to be,which is to stay trapped in the so called "Gay lifestyle" and act out on my desires when I get the opportunity as well as temptation to act out on them.I don't want to act out as acting out won't really get me what I need and want,which is affirmation of my male gender identity and the feeling of authenticity that goes along with the affirmation of my male gender identity.
Tomorrow,I will be attending the morning's church service and I am hoping to get a positive lot out of it.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ