Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planed for today and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I had a spirituality group that I had to attend.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went great.I got a lot out of this.After the group was over,I headed for a community kitchen to have lunch and after eating my lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and after that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up a couple of my mom's prescriptions.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts improving soon in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It was another throbbing one and the temptation to masturbate it away was overwhelming.I fought the temptation by tossing and turning until the erection died down.It took several minutes,but it did die down.I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I did escape this temptation,I know that the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form,other than finding a male partner to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep fighting the temptation when it does rear it's ugly head at me.I have to continually keep in mind that masturbation will never give me what I want,which is to make contact with my lost maleness and it also will never give me what I truly need and want,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation of my gender identity.I know that I need to make the effort to seek out newer friendships and hopefully,they will develop into something successful,like a healthy male bonding relationship.I hope that one day,I can get that as I so desperately need to have more healthy relationships with other guys in order for me to grow as a man and to just be one of the guys.I am hoping that I will start doing that in the days and months ahead.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church that I have been attending worship at.As for the rest of the day and before the meeting,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ