Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group,which I was looking forward to with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to a friends place to see how they were doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and started to catch up on some music that I have been meaning to listen to and later,I watched a little TV.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is a never ending roller coaster ride of my emotions,where I can be up and feeling good one day or one minute,or,down and not so good the next day or minute.This means that it happens on a day to day thing or on the same day type of thing.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to endure hearing noises that only I can hear and not others,such as a voice calling my name or footsteps following me and turning and finding nothing.It is a never ending cycle.It simply never lets up.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on Both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle starts to seemingly get too unbearable for it's own good.When that happens,I simply take it to both God and Christ by praying about it and they help sustain me.It is simply a matter of taking it up with God and his son Christ Jesus to ask for help and they do it.They simply help keep me level and I move on.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice.Once during the wee early morning hours and the second time as I was rising up to get out of bed.Fortunately for me,these occurrences didn't last very long.I really didn't have to do anything as with the first occurrence,I simply turned another way and the erection died down and with the second occurrence,I simply got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to take my morning shower to clean up.Though I escaped this double whammy,I have to continually keep in mind that any temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form that they come as,can rear their ugly heads when least expected.I know that it is not a sin to be tempted,but it is a sin to give into any temptation to engage and/or indulge in sinful sexual activity between two members of the same gender or to lust after other men by masturbating to their images when they start to cloud the mind.The SSA struggles is never an easy struggle as I keep learning that day to day.Satan and his minions will try anything to get me to go against the law that God set forth in his sacred word,the Holy Bible.But I have to remain strong and stay the course.After that dream that I had while sleeping,it keep me even more determined,motivated and committed to keep the process up and never surrender.I also have to continually keep in mind to include God and his son Jesus Christ in all of this.I have to continually talk about my struggle with them whenever I need to have any more additional strength given to me to help in my fight to resist all sorts of temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.Whenever temptation starts to rear it's ugly head in any way,shape or form,I throw it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after I am finished talking about it,the temptation is reduced to nil and I can move on with the rest of the day.If I ever do give into temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after that,God wipes the slate clean and forgets about my sin as it is forgiven.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
I had no dreams like I had the previous night.But if I do,I will share again.
Tomorrow,I am having a brief meeting with the pastor to discuss my reinstatement as a member of the church.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ