Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a few important things that I needed to do.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after that was done,I attended my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group and this was my first group that I have attended in the last two weeks after illness and being stuck in my driveway kept me home.I headed for the group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went well.I got a lot out of it.After the group was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for some lunch and after I was done with that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend was doing and after spending some time with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and I took it easy while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with hearing voices,sounds and other things that nobody else,but myself,can hear.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more of God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to get way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It is simply a matter of bringing up this particular struggle with God and his son Christ Jesus to get through it all and I do feel a tad better when I do.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away and yes,there was also lusting and fantasies involved with this fall as well.I really felt miserable after this fall and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling and begged for God to show me his mercy and telling him how sorry that I was for giving into the temptation and I did feel better afterwards.I truly believed that I was forgiven and that God does forgive every time that anyone who worships him fails in their attempts to resist all sorts of temptations.Throughout the day,I was tempted to act out in ways other than seeking another man out to indulge in sinful sexual activity with him.I kept up asking for God to give me strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me.I have to try and show the unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I can't let the unnatural desires that I have own me as it is sinful and wrong for two members of the same gender to indulge in sexual activity together as it goes against God's perfect law and is unacceptable to God.I am still in desperate need for continuous healing and continuous affirmation of my gender identity by others.I am also asking that everyone who continues to follow my blog to continue in prayer for me as I am still trying to get over this complex emotional time that I am going through.I also ask that all of you to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight against this terrible SSA and the unnatural desires connected with it and also,your prayers and comments also make me even more determined to overcome SSA.Thanks in advance to y'all for all of your prayers and words of encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ