Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to go to my usual spirituality group that is on Thursday's.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after having eating that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local hardware store to pick up some electronics spray and after paying for that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things and after paying for them,I headed to stop in on a friend to see how he was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also did some cleaning up around the house.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.While having BPD and my emotions on this constant roller coaster ride can be tiresome and monotonous,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It's bad enough that the emotional roller coaster ride that I am going through can be tiresome and draining emotional roller coaster ride where my emotions very by the day,or sometimes,by the minute/moment,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.This is a double whammy that I have as far as my psychiatric disability goes and as stated,it can be draining and tiresome as hearing things that only I can hear and nobody else hears alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD can be draining and make me feel exhausted in a psychological sense.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It is a simply a matter of sharing this psychological struggle with God and asking him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get through it all the rigamarole of having this particular type of psychiatric disability.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do to help out in this particular struggle as they give power beyond what any human therapy can give.Thanks to the both of them for being there for me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again fighting the temptation to masturbate when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I am also learning day after day that the more I resist any temptation,the stronger it gets with every resistance.I simply sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and as I did this,the erection,though it was slow going,started to soften.After I walked to the bathroom and back to bed,the erection had fully died down and I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation while still in bed by manipulating my genitals to lustful images of men and yes,the temptation to fantasize was really strong.I stopped doing this and after getting out of bed,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into this unclean and impure activity and also for the lusting that was involved in this.I was still tired and sleepy and that is what made the images come into mind.I am not saying that it excuses or justifies it,but that it was the root cause of this.Throughout the rest of the day,I was tempted to manipulate my genitals to lustful and sexual images of men that were creeping up into my mind.I had to really pray hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to ask for strength to fight and resist these temptations as they were coming on strong and fierce.The more I put up a resistance,the more stronger each and every temptation becomes.I kept up in prayer to God the entire day and I always felt better and even much stronger whenever I did.I still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular temptation comes around,I willfully choose to stay home rather than go out and feed that particular type of temptation.I am learning that the fight to resist all sorts of temptations connected with struggling with SSA is a very difficult fight indeed and at times,it can make one pretty exhausted.While I am keeping up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I am also asking that those of you who follow my blog and read my posts to also continue in praying for me as I am going through this difficult time where I am being tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have constantly.I also ask that you don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog gets quite a few visitors,but they rarely leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I keep asking for this because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue on this healing journey out of this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ