Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work and when that was finished,I proceeded to get on with the resat of my day.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I first went to the post office to buy a money order to pay for my car insurance and after I paid that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I watched a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD,it's symptoms and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions are always on a constant up and down ride.At times,it can get pretty tiresome.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside BPD and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to let God and his son Jesus Christ lead the way and let them help in sustaining me whenever I take this particular struggle to them in prayer.It isn't easy struggling with BPD or even schizophrenia,but with God and Christ helping out,it makes it a tad bearable,though I still have to do my part by continuing my therapy and continuing to take my medication.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am going to be very blunt,straightforward and honest here,though it pains me to write about this.I again gave into temptation this morning while I was online.I gave into the temptation to watch online porn and also,to lust after and fantasize with the men that I was seeing in the porn.It led me to manipulate my genitals and when I reached the point of orgasm,I masturbated to ejaculation.I really felt miserable after this particular fall and after cleaning my hands,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the fall and when praying to them,I left nothing out.I admitted to everything that I did and asked God in his son Christ Jesus' name to forgive me and also,I begged for God's mercy to be upon me as I did fall four times last week as a result of some negative things that happened,such as my medical concerns and having comments where I shared the truth with other on an online blog and they were removed for being "fanatical fundamentalist rhetoric" and my subsequent sadness and anger over their removal.I guess that I am really not over this.It really hurt me when I saw them removed and that they were taken the wrong way and were also taken entirely out of context.I was trying to be sincere and loving in a Christ like way,but everyone on the blog,who claimed to be Christian,while at the same time claiming to support the LGBT agenda,made them out to be the opposite of my intentions.How can anyone claim to be Christian and be supportive of the LGBT agenda at the same time?It doesn't make sense.I am trying to make people see,in the utmost sincere and Christian way,that you can't be a Christian and support an agenda that God,nor his sacred word,the Holy Bible,doesn't approve of.You can only represent one side of the issue or the other.Nobody who claims to be a Christian can't represent both sides.That is trying mix light with darkness or even so,having a share at the Lord's table and the demon's table at the same time.This can't be done.If you are a Christian,you should only choose to represent God's side and not the worldly side.Nobody can be Christian and support any agenda that God abhors.It's impossible.A true Christian,though it is up to God and his son Christ Jesus to determine who is truly a Christian and who isn't as they are the only real judges in this area,supports and represents only the godly agenda and not any worldly agenda.I know that this does sound harsh,but it is the truth and we have to learn to live by the truth and not by falsehoods nor any agenda that doesn't fit what God intended when he created us and also,made sure his sacred word,the Holy Bible,was well preserved for future generations.I am once again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts regularly.I am also asking again that all of you don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments or encouraging words.Please do leave me an encouraging word or two.Why?Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA and the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have to meet with a counselor from an association to help me get hooked up for a job placement program.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ