Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I held off showering and had my usual quick breakfast.After conversing with my job placement counselor/coach via e-mail,I headed out to pay my car insurance for the month and I also paid another bill as well.After that,I picked up another job application and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I showered and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After that was over,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I did a little bit more personal PC work and I also took an assessment with a place that I applied for a job online.I also managed to finish another application that I put off for a while unintentionally,I also sent my resume via e-mail to a couple of places I learned that were listed on Craigslist.I also listened to a little bit of music and I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty fair day as there was the possibility of some rain,but it never came.I still managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me.Today,I gave into the temptation to fantasize and lust after other men by manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind.I also masturbated the rest of the way when orgasm hit.I felt really terrible and miserable after this happened and I immediately went to my Heavenly Father in prayer and asked him for both forgiveness and his mercy in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed and left nothing out.I threw everything on him and I also accepted full and total responsibility for my fall.I begged and pleaded for my Heavenly Father's mercy because I was really sorry for what I did.When I was finished,I felt better as I knew and truly believed that I was forgiven.I am beginning to ask myself "What's wrong with me?"I need to know.How can I go through a while without giving into urges and then,I give into them after that time of reprieve.I need to know how I can stop this as I don't want to fall into the trap of habitually sinning and going to my Heavenly Father in prayer to ask for forgiveness.I need some advice on how I can stop this cycle.I want to heal from this terrible SSA.I also want to overcome this terrible SSA.If anyone out there can help me,please do so.I would appreciate that.Please leave me any advice in the comments section of my blog.I also ask that you continue in prayer for me.I am still going through a very difficult emotional time and I need all the support that I can get.Please leave me any advice on how I can stop this sinful thing.Please leave me some advice in the comments section.Please also continue your prayers for me as well.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,since there is going to be rain,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ