Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and after my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I got dressed up in dress clothes and I headed for church for both the outdoor worship service and the brunch afterwards.
Both the service and the brunch were wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and since I was feeling a little sleepy,I decided to lay down and take a nap and I slept for a little over 2 hours.After getting back up,I did my personal PC work while listening to some music.After that was done,I relaxed for a while and later on,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to watch a classic TV episode on a DVD set that I have and after that,I did some more personal PC work.I relaxed again and also,enjoyed some more music.Later on,I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
Fellow blog followers and readers,I have to vent and get something out of me again.Last night,it was for mental illness,but tonight,it is regarding my struggles with SSA.If any or all of you have felt that I haven't been open and straight with y'all in regards to them,your assumptions are correct.I haven't been totally straight with y'all.I have been hiding things from y'all.Now,I am going to be honest and straightforward with y'all.Fellow blog followers and readers,including those who struggle with SSA and are also supporting me,I have been leaving out a lot.I have been giving into temptations galore.I have been giving into the temptations to watch porn online,including,but not limited to,pictures of men in the nude alongside some pretty extreme and degrading stuff on video.I even masturbated to these pictures and videos.I have also given into the temptations to fantasize and lust after other men and yes,I have manipulated my genitals whenever nude images of men clouded my mind,which motivated the temptation to fantasize and lust after the images,which I did give in to.I have felt nothing but misery and shame as a result of my constant and continuous giving into the temptations to commit these sinful,terrible and immoral practices.I have not been doing a good job in fleeing from these immoral practices nor have I been doing a good job in showing that I am very serious about wanting to heal from SSA and wanting to overcome SSA,which I really am serious about.Last night,before going to bed,I prayed to my Heavenly Father and I told him everything.I left nothing out.I bared all to him in prayer.I told him all the sins and the temptations that I gave in to.I confessed all to him and asked not only for him to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,but I also begged and pleaded for him to be merciful to me for sinning constantly and habitually giving into temptation and sinning by doing so.I also must admit that tears were also starting to trickle down my face as I was talking to him and admitting all the wrongs and sins that I committed.I felt so unworthy,but continued to beg and plead for his forgiveness and mercy.I didn't cease praying.I even asked me to help me to continually go to him when I need the strength to help me fight and resist.I also asked him to help me where I needed faith.Again,I left nothing out as I prayed and prayed.When I was finished,I felt great as I knew and truly believed that I was forgiven and that my Heavenly Father had forgiven me and showed his mercy upon me.I slept very good last night.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue praying for me.I also ask that you leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I still need both your prayerful and positive verbal support daily and often.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide,especially for the divine gift of forgiveness and mercy that my Heavenly Father provides to me and all of us even though they are both undeserved things.Thanks Heavenly Father and Thanks to his son,our divine Lord and savior Jesus Christ.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ