Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in early to mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished showering,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and later on,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda for today.I first helped out a friend who needed my help.After that,I turned in a few bottles that I had in the back seat of my car.After that,I went to a local Subway to buy a sandwich.After that,I headed straight home as I didn't like the look of the sky when I was heading for home.
When I got home,I ate my sandwich and while doing so,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After that,I did some more personal PC work and later on,I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult struggle that I have.At times,I wish that I didn't have to struggle with SSA.The struggle to try and stay sexually sober in the SSA struggle can be very difficult.It isn't easy to stay sexually sober in the struggle.It is always a constant fight to maintain sobriety.I know because I am always in a constant battle to maintain sobriety.I am always being tempted to act out in many ways.There are many ways that someone with SSA can act out besides seeking out partners of the same gender to indulge in sinful sexual activity with.The other ways of acting out are fantasies,lusting and masturbation,which also includes genital manipulation when the genitals are flaccid,that usually goes along with the fantasizing and the lusting.Of course,there is another way that many do and that is looking up porn online and watching it.The thing with all of this is that it does little if nothing to reaffirm a man's true gender identity.The only thing it reaffirms is the so called "Homosexual/Gay" identity,which is a false identity in and of itself.It does get rough for me at times.I am always bombarded by temptations to act out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have.As I stated before,I talked with someone about this sort of thing and they said that I may have some unresolved anger,resentment and trauma issues from my childhood.I am thinking that this could be why I keep getting bombarded as at times,when I get a new therapist,I am always recycling my old stories of all the abuse that I endured throughout my life,which is physical,emotional and sexual.The thing is that while I survived these things,I have never been pointed in the right direction to transcend and move on.I want to discover and actually feel real healing from SSA.I also want to overcome this terrible SSA.I hate that I have these unnatural sexual desires.I also hate it that I struggle with this terrible emotional condition.As I said,I wish that I didn't have to struggle with SSA.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am again asking that you all continue to keep me in your prayers.Please pray that I find the right sort of counseling so I can let go of these issues,start transcending and moving on so I can finally feel the healing that I truly and desperately need.I need that counseling so bad and desperately.I also ask that y'all leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I still need your verbal encouragement as much I need your prayers.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to y'all for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ