Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning hours and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had quite a bit to do.
I first went to the post office to buy some money orders and mail out some important bills that needed to be mailed out.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few boxes of cereal.After the cereal was paid for,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to go positively soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours.Yes I did.I admit it.I masturbated a morning erection away.I really felt terrible after all of that.For a long time,I was resisting and doing good,until this relapse.I felt bad because I felt that I failed God and Christ in my endeavors.This relapse was terrible and as I have said before here,it really didn't make me feel like a man nor did it get me any closer to the full maleness that I want to achieve and need so I can feel like a man.This masturbation episode made the matter worse and I just didn't know whether I was coming or going.Though I felt bad about the relapse,I know that I have to move on and continue working on myself.It was really terrible giving into the unclean habit of masturbation,but I now have to move on and try to not let it happen again.I have to continually keep in mind that masturbation will never give me what I want in terms of gender identity affirmation or feeling like a man.I also have to keep in mind that masturbation will never connect me to my lost maleness.I will just have to work on stopping to practice this unclean habit and get back on track.Again,I am open to any ideas or suggestions.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ