Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still,it is a rocky road at that.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my recovery group over at the place where the groups are held.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed for a short time as I had another appointment today.
I had to see my sexual abuse support counselor today.I was also looking forward to this session with her as I always do.I had a lot to talk with her about and I wanted to make sure that I was on time today.
The session also went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at another local supermarket to pick up one last thing.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward,though it still a rocky road.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression(BPD).I have to contend with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on day in and day out.It is always a difficult thing to deal with.Aside from that,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier either.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue attending my therapy sessions and to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving as I am getting a little impatient awaiting and improvement.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.Yes,I did fall and I did feel miserable as a result of it.I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours twice when I was awakened by morning erections at two separate intervals.At both those times,tossing and turning didn't work anymore like it used to.I had to get up both of those times and walk to the bathroom and at both those instances,the erections died down.I simply went back to sleep at both times and later,I had to get up to bathe and get ready for the day.I did fall late last night and though it made me feel miserable,I am moving on.Though I did escape the two wee early morning instances,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in other ways aside from seeking out male partners to act out with can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to stay on guard and be watchful.I also have to continue working on staying strong to resist any temptation to act out.Masturbation will never connect me with my lost maleness nor will it make me anymore a man than the next guy.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which I am trying to overcome and abandon.I still don't want to be a Homosexual.I want to be A MAN and the man that God intended me to be.I don't want to masturbate nor do I want to act out on any of these unnatural sexual desires anymore.I want my true identity to be reinforced,which is male.I am a male and a man.I want to be the man that God wants me to be and intended me to be.I know that God never intended me to be a Homosexual because God,though he doesn't condemn the condition,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender as the Holy Bible says that it is unnatural,inappropriate and just plain wrong.If anyone out there can help me with any advice or suggestions,please do so.I have received one idea from a follower,but I am open to anything else in the form of advice.Thanks to anyone who shares.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ